Leeds Dads: Meet the man who created a thriving network of parents in the city

Errol Murray’s daughter Rayya was six months old and he did not have many friends with families. He was also commuting to Manchester for work, seeing little of his daughter and only having functional conversations with his wife Veena.

He said: “I was always exhausted because of the commute and I didn't see a lot of my my daughter. Conversations with my wife were limited. It was ‘have you got the bread? Have you got the milk? Can you take the baby?’ It was all functional stuff because we were both absolutely on our knees. We didn't have a lot of family locally.

“When we had our daughter, it was a real shock to the system. I asked a couple of the mums I worked with to ask if the dads of their children who were new dads would like to come and talk about how we were, and this isolation and bubble that we’re living in.”

Leeds Dads was born and began with a meeting at the Leeds City Museum cafe. Eleven years later, the group is still alive and kicking and now boasts hundreds of involved dads.

Errol said: “We met at Leeds City Museum cafe and 11 years later, we're still doing it. We meet four times a month, every weekend in Leeds. There is a soft play called Little Angels in Holbeck which is marvellous. We’ve got a deal where we can provide free tea and toast for dads and kids, as well as free soft play. We get 25 to 30 dads per session down there, it’s hectic. The staff talk to the dads, ask them how their day has been and how their children are developing.

"Playgroups can be such cliquey environments. People sit with each other because they know each other and if you’re not in the group, then you’re on your own. You’re sitting there thinking ‘oh, I’ll talk to the baby’. They can have a conversation because they might not have talked to anyone throughout the weekend. It’s all about having those conversations, to be able to ask what someone has been up to this week.”

The members of Leeds Dads value the importance of checking up on one another, which has been emphasised by the loss of some of the dads in recent years. Errol explained: "Under lockdown, we lost a couple of guys. Mental health is so underestimated. The toll of being isolated and not getting out really affected a lot of people and affected a couple of dads and they didn't they didn't make it through.

"Every loss is a tragedy and to see things slipping away, and not being able to do anything, is awful. We just keep doing what we do to stay as open as possible to support people.”

Such is the extent of Leeds Dads’ reach, Errol now gets prospective dads reaching out to ask if they can get involved with the group and receive support. The group also continued to operate during the Covid-19 pandemic, offering online meetings and distributing food to those who needed it courtesy of dedicated volunteers.

Errol said: “I did it for myself and now I’m glad it works for others, that is probably the best way of looking at it. I didn’t expect it. I started it because I didn’t have the family or community around me to support me having a child, and now we have hundreds of dads engaged in Leeds and it is fabulous.”

More information about the group can be found on the Leeds Dads website. The group is hosting a free Christmas party on December 4 and also have free soft play events that can be attended by dads and their pre-school children.

The Samaritans helpline operates 24 hours a day and can provide support on 116 123.

Leeds Mind Suicide Bereavement Services offer compassionate support for people bereaved or affected by suicide, including if you:

· Have lost anyone to suicide, such as: a friend, colleague or family member; someone you know professionally or an acquaintance

· Think someone ended their own life, even if an inquest has not been held or did not determine suicide as cause of death

· Have been affected by suicide but do not identify as bereaved, e.g. if you witnessed a death, or were involved through your work

· Were affected by a suicide months, years or decades ago

Call 0113 305 5800 or email [email protected].