Inside the Leeds day care centre helping families look after loved ones with Alzheimer's instead of care homes

Amanda Botterill, from Yeadon, can remember the day her mum, Margaret Bradford, received her alzheimer’s diagnosis. Despite Margaret showing symptoms of the condition for two years prior, Amanda said the diagnosis left them both “shell-shocked”.

Margaret then made her daughter promise to not send her to a care home. It was Margaret’s own first-hand experience as a carer seeing how dementia patients could be treated, being “locked-up” for her safety and for the safety of others, that led her to make this promise.

As her mother’s condition worsened, in line with the deteriorating nature of the disease, and without any experience in the care industry, Amanda began to struggle. She said: “I would take her out for lunch, say to Weatherspoons, and it was always a challenge because she wouldn't sit still, she wanted to wander around, talk to everybody.

"I used to find that difficult – to manage her behavior in a public place. I found it very difficult to see out places where it was comfortable to take mom out, where her challenging behavior wasn't being judged.”

At this time, her father Gerald Yeadon was his wife’s full-time carer. “My dad found it very difficult to accept the changes in my mom,” said Amanda. “He was heartbroken. I often feel that, looking back, he lost her as a wife long before she died. So his grief started right back at the beginning when she was diagnosed.”

While at first, Margaret just struggled to remember things, the situation escalated and Amanda and her dad would send out search parties to look for her mum. She also slowly became unable to do simple tasks such as making a cup of tea, using a piece of pork pie instead of a tea bag, juice instead of milk and the kettle left in the fridge.

Seeing the strain the disease had put on her dad, Amanda left her job and became her mum’s full-time housekeeper and personal carer too. Amanda said: “From waking to sleeping, you are in charge of that person, responsible for that person's needs and well being. And it's too much to ask.”

As Gerald fell ill and was hospitalised for a short while, Margaret had to stay in a care home for a respite visit. Amanda said: “She had made me promise not to put her into a care home. I appeased myself and my guilt by saying it's only temporary but she didn't have the best experience.”

After seeing her mum wearing someone else’s false teeth and someone’s else’s underwear, Amanda pledged to not let her visit a care home again. But looking after her mum full-time was taking a toll on Amanda too.

She said: “It was horrendous. I lost my life at that point – and that is crucial to mention, that people sometimes just give up their lives to look after their loved ones.

"There's no other choice. Unless you want to put your loved one in a care home and my mum wasn't ready for that and my dad wasn’t ready to be separated from [her]. I mean, 60 years married, they don't wanna be separated so I did everything I could to keep them at home together.”

A local memory cafe became a safe space for the family as they met others in the same situation as themselves. Amanda later embarked on her own journey to create a respite and remedy group called Memory Lane Day Care alongside friend Pamela Clough. It was inspired by Margaret, who died in 2020 without visiting a care home again, and was designed to provide another support group for people, couples and families with dementia.

Earlier this year, Memory Lane Day Care Centre celebrated its seventh anniversary of opening, now supporting 20 dementia patients every day. Amanda said: “I wanted to create a middle ground so that people could find something else to allow them to stay at home longer before having to go into care. Sometimes it's inevitable – you have no choice and some people thrive.

"But it's not for everyone and I don't think, there's enough opportunity for people to have the middle ground. It seems like all or nothing. The centre here is a lifeline for a lot of people. I could do with opening one in every city. I'm proud that I've been able to turn my mum’s sad story into a happy story for a lot more people.”