SATs week: the one mistake I made with my eldest that I was determined not to repeat during SATs

Yet, I can see that he’s worried. I can see that he cannot stop thinking about the exams he is facing, that all of his friends and children his age are facing this week. In a way, it seems slightly unfair to put them through it, though, I do understand why it is necessary. Even when, last night, the emotions of it all got the better of him.

Then, of course, there is the additional stress felt by the teaching staff, who come under an unbelievable amount of pressure to produce results that reflect well on themselves, their headteachers and the reputation of the school as a whole. I have been married to a primary school teacher for 15 years so that aspect of SATs week is home territory for me.

But as the testing week ahead loomed, I began to feel grateful for my experience – good and often very bad, usually owing to the behaviour of ‘supporting’ parents – as a grassroots football coach. I give my time to cutting the grass, marking the lines, doing the FA admin, arranging fixtures and friendlies, coaching and mentoring young people because, if I’m honest, I am a grassroots football dad, not because I’m some angel with a halo who just wants to give back. I do it for my own boys; that other boys feel the benefit, too, is, if I’m honest, a bonus.

Along the way, I made the mistake of incentivising my first-born, Harry who is now taking his SATs tests, with rewards for playing well; scoring goals, creating assists, getting player-of-the-match and all of the trappings that come with football. It wasn’t until I was introduced to a book called Conversations For The Journey: 40 Ways for you to build sporting character that I realised I was making a huge mistake. Lifting and shifting his focus away from the love of the game to the jeopardy of missing out on a fiver here and a tenner there. Stupid of me, really. Though, I won't be the only one. The resurrection of my own experience playing football as a kid, haunting the experience of the next generation.

And that is why we haven’t offered any kind of reward or incentive as part of his SATs: no money for greater depth scores, no toys or tech dangled in front of him, taking his eye off the tests and his mind off their purpose. Nothing. My reason being; the prospect of whatever it is you’ve made them long for, hope for, will shine most brightly as a distraction as the going get’s tough. When the answers don’t come easy, the spectre of your reward will drift agonisingly away from them in their mind’s eye, and amplify any tricky emotions. I decided to offer only words of encouragement, hugs for comfort and learning guidance along the way – who better to have for that than a mum who is an experienced primary school teacher?

Instead, the weekend prior to his week of hard work, I put on a bit of golf at the driving range and some go-karting, too, to help distract him from the week ahead. I didn’t tell him why I was doing it, though, we just did it. I didn’t want to link the two things together in his head.

So, to leave you with something I hope might be useful, I want to take you back to those ‘words of encouragement’ I offered him, I will share with you a little poem I gave him, to keep with him throughout the week, and to turn to it if he needed to. He won’t, mind. He’s a stubborn bugger. Gets that from his mother. Don’t tell her I said that. Please.

Why do I share what ought to be a very personal thing? Well, because, if it helps just one other person, this week or the next, it will have been worth sharing. Good luck to everyone doing SATs this week. But remember, remember these words …

SATs week

A poem for Harry

Harry your SATs say little about you

And all the amazing things that you do.

They’re a measure of things and numbers and stuff

But know that without them, you’re more than enough.

You’re funny and witty and kind with it, too

We’re proud of you, mate, however you do.

SATs are for teachers, inspectors and OFSTED

They do not reveal the wonders in your head.

Think of your SATs as a challenge accepted,

One that we know you’ll smash, as expected.

Spelling and SPAG, well, they’re in the bag,

You got this, kiddo, there’s no need to blag.

Easy or tough, the end is the same,

You’re amazing inside and destined for fame.

So focus your head and maintain your mind,

You’ll be amazed at the talents inside that you’ll find.

The week ahead is a chapter’s end,

Believe in yourself and encourage your friends.

For when the exams are finally completed,

One or two of them might feel defeated.

That is when your true self will show

Just how far in life you’re destined to go

By being there for others when they need you,

That is the measure of your true virtue.

That is when the Harry we know

Will allow his true colours to shine and to show.

Generous and thoughtful, compassionate and true,

Always remember: we love you.

—

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