The judge at Leeds Crown Court, Recorder David Gordon, directed the comments at Harrison James Burton after launching an inexplicable flurry of punches on the female, then her partner, before attacking at an officer who was trying to quell the situation.
Prosecutor Robert Galley said Burton had been drinking with friends at an address on Rockley Drive in the Kettlethorpe area of Wakefield on the evening of November 14 last year.
At 3am a woman came downstairs to get a drink of water, when she noticed Burton sat on the wall outside with his head in his hands.
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She spoke with him and offered him a drink of water, but an argument developed.
Burton, 20, then launched into an attack and punched the woman four or five times to the head. He then swung at a man who had also appeared.
The police had been called and when an officer tried to calm the situation, Burton became abusive and grabbed hold of the officer's arm and bit him, but let go when ordered to stop.
Burton, of Ullswater Drive, Bradford, later admitted a charge of actual bodily harm on the woman, assault on the man, and assaulting an emergency worker, but only after a trial date had been set.
Soheil Khan, mitigating, said: "There's no explanation for his behaviour.
"He needs to deal with how he behaves after too much drink. The results are toxic.
"He has expressed remorse and has been sorrowful."
He said that Burton, who has no previous convictions, was employed as a groundworker but had ambitions of joining the Armed Forces.
Recorder Gordon told him: "This is quite a debut before the crown court. You've never been in trouble before but you've started at the top end.
"It was disgraceful behaviour, disgusting, under the influence of alcohol and cocaine."
He handed him 16 months' jail, but suspended it for two years, and added: "You behaved like an absolute animal, which is probably being disrespectful to animals.
"But I'm just about persuaded we can save the expense to the taxpayer of locking you up and punishing you in the community."
He handed him 250 hours of unpaid work and said he should pay £500 compensation to the woman and £250 to the police officer.
Recorder Gordon added: "You were spending a lot of money on alcohol and cocaine so there's no reason why you can't compensate these people."