In My View by David Kelly: Remember, you are not your job

People come and go, in and out of your life, but some people make an impression on you forever. For me, a big one was a former manager, someone who represented the best in honesty, knowledge and integrity.

I have always been drawn to humorous and positive folk. When I started working on Leeds train station, I already knew Don Tate from playing football for Leeds station (as pretty much all my family has worked there).By the time he was my manager there, in three different roles, I found I had become quite attached to this gentlest of men.

We spend the majority of our week working, and therefore a big percentage of our working lives, with our colleagues, not our families. Relationships, positive or not, develop during the course of time.

If we think back fondly of former workplaces, it is really the quality of these relationships, we developed at the time with quality people, we remember.

For me, a big influence was Don, who had worked in many jobs over his 45-year career from the days of British Rail, wrote books on the cafés of Leeds, and was a walking encyclopaedia of local knowledge, and had a record collection to die for.

Don was the gentlest of jokers and an avid Leeds United supporter. And he was my good friend.If your life is a train, and people come in and out of it like passengers at different stops, then Don was someone you would want onboard from start to finish. Sadly, some people have to exit early.

What you pick up from colleagues, as well as advice, is in some cases camaraderie, lasting friendship, sometimes more. We can pick our friends, spouses, careers, and the place we live. But we can’t pick our kids or bosses! If you have a good one, don’t overlook how lucky you are. After all, we can spend more time with these people than we do our families

We have all shared a workplace with someone who doesn’t share our views but, in the name of professionalism, we get on with it. Or, in some cases, if it gets too much, we move on. I think its fair to say my usual timespan in the same role is around four years before looking for a change. I can’t imagine 45 years in the same role.

We all know that January is the time for fresh starts so, if you’re not happy with your job, don’t stay for the money or how easy it may be. By challenging yourself, you’re keeping yourself mentally active, and can stop yourself actually becoming your role.

In the immortal words of Brad Pitt’s Chuck Palahniuk Fight Club character: “You are not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet.” I would also add “You are not your social media account”.

We all grow in ourselves over the span of a career but, if your work is affecting your friendships or relationships, then perhaps it is time for a rethink of your priorities, and remember who you were, before your shine was dimmed by certain situations.

Don’t stay in unhealthy relationships - including ones with negative colleagues - as these problems can be quantified as situations, and situations can change. I look back on my great boss and acknowledge, as humans, we are here for a good time, not a long time.

And I’m mindful life moves pretty quick. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it!

David Kelly is a Leeds social work personal advisor.