I revel in being one of society’s misfits - Sophie Mei Lan

Growing up as a mixed race girl with separated parents, gay dads and a love of football, meant that I rarely fitted in to the societal norm so I was inevitably bullied at school.

I would hide my curvy stature in combat trousers and a baggy jumper. It also meant I could run around playing football and doing handstands. My hair would be scraped back. I didn’t dress like the other girls. I didn’t look like them either. I felt isolated and the bullies confirmed my worst fears of being a ‘misfit.’

As I crashed into my teen years and became a young adult I began experimenting with what I wore. I had discovered a love of dance and drama so I loved experimenting in costumes and I had even started on a career in bellydancing. I had gone from tracksuits to coin clad hip scarves and glitter make up with my hair down and in curls.

As I blossomed into my adult years and my self-esteem increased, I gained more confidence to just wear what I felt good in...my own feel-good fashion style.

But the more I experimented and wore what I wanted to, the more I was judged on my appearance. At first I tried to camouflage into whatever setting I was in. Whether it was trying to dress plain and look serious as a TV journalist, or in a suit jacket and pencil skirt when I had business meetings. I would hide the fact that I also bellydanced.

Then when I became a mum and was judged on numerous occasions for not being “more mumsy,” I decided enough was enough and I would revert to my feel-good fashion ways and go one further: I would dress exactly how I wanted because I realised I would be judged regardless.

I wore big hoop earrings and a puffer jacket when presenting documentaries, I often wore my gym gear for business meetings and I was open about all my jobs and roles. Having the confidence to wear what I wanted to in all settings made me feel good.

I scrapped the ‘Sunday best’ and found a church which embraced me turning up in my football kit after playing a weekend match.

Then, when I modelled in a ‘real women’ fashion show for Simply Ladies at Royal Armouries in Leeds, a couple of years ago, wearing a slinky boudoir wedding dress, I met some other amazing ‘misfits’ including the designer of the dress Jordan Wake, of Wake Bespoke in Leeds City Centre.

Our love of expressing our individuality as women, as ambitious business owners, and being multifaceted bonded our tribe of ‘misfits.’ She immediately became my go to ‘dressmaker,’ because it was much more than a shared love of sequins and sparkles, it is about allowing people to dress and express themselves however they want to. It’s about feeling good in your mind, body and clothes. Nowadays when I hear comments on my appearance or what I wear, it no longer makes me want to cover up or fit in. I actually use the judgement to keep pushing myself to be unapologetically myself because diversity is divine. And I want to show that I am proud to be one of the misfits of the society. I revel in it, in fact.

Sophie’s debut memoir: “Eat. Sleep. Control. Repeat” is out now at hallgoodbooks.com. Sophie also blogs at mamamei.co.uk / evokemediagroup.co.uk/ Yorkshirefamilies.co.uk