It’s fair to say that at 27 weeks pregnant I’m a hormonal mess, with constant nausea and exhaustion, crying one minute and then fine the next.
Nearly every day I feel hungover knowing that I haven’t had a drink or the fun of a night out, it’s just my body aching and that’s that.
Every day seems to bring a new challenge and I never know how I’m going to feel. It’s easy when it’s you going through this to forget that everyone else in your family unit is affected too.
My Husband Chris has joked several times that I moan a lot and he doesn’t think he could go through this again if we decided to have baby number three.
My response has been: “You’re not going through anything! It’s not your body that’s enduring this!” If I’m honest I’m slightly jealous that he can still enjoy life whilst I’ve become quite anti-social - in fact, if I could get away with living in my PJs every day I would.
Last week was tough, I hit a bit of a dark patch where I felt quite depressed. Don’t get me wrong I feel so lucky to being pregnant with my second child and I can’t wait to meet my little boy. However on the days I feel really sick and lethargic I struggle to find anything to smile about. Last week the sickness kicked in on Wednesday and lasted until Saturday, it just appears and I never know when it’s going to leave. I definitely feel unattractive, I’m all bloated and uncomfortable and, when I’m tired, I look washed out.
I haven’t worn make-up for months and I don’t wear any perfume because of the baby. Most days I can’t even kiss my husband because I have this super sense of smell and everything is just horrid. The other day it was the lemon scented fairy liquid making me hurl, it was the worst smell I have ever endured.
The crunch point came on Friday night; I’d been feeling insecure all week. I was tired and emotional and then all of sudden crazy Kelly just kicked in. We’d been watching a movie, I’d fallen asleep and when I came round Chris wasn’t on the sofa. When he came back into the living room I couldn’t help myself, it just came out. “Are you having an affair?” I asked him.
He look at me gone out. “No, of course I’m not. What’s wrong with you?”
That was it, I was furious so off I marched to bed but within five minutes I was back down the stairs yelling all sorts at him. I’d convinced myself something was wrong and it was his entire fault, looking back now I don’t think he knew what had hit him. He told me that I was moody and he found it difficult to deal with.
Once I’d finally ran out of unreasonable things to scream I went to bed, with Chris following an hour later.
The next morning I headed off to present my Saturday radio show, feeling sad that we’d argued and worried that my behaviour was erratic and probably unjustified. When I returned home at lunchtime he was lifting shopping bags out of the boot of his car, he’d done the weekly shop, bought me a decaf Costa, my favourite chocolates and a beautiful bouquet of flowers.
I felt awful after all the accusations and screaming, I know he loves me and I know he’s doing his best. So the crazy hat is well and truly off my head and I’ve apologized to poor hubby.
I’m trying to make it up to him - even going as far as telling him it’s okay that he’s away on my birthday. His radio station has been nominated for five awards and, naturally, I’m incredibly proud of him. The ceremony is in Leeds and it just so happens it’s on my birthday night. I can’t drink or eat fancy food and I’m asleep by 9pm, so it’s not as if we are going to be out celebrating so I’ve told him to go. I think after all my moaning he probably deserves a break.