'Dementia killed my wife' - Leeds widower shares his heartbreak and joins fight for a cure with charity-boosting book

And for Brian Sugden, who watched his wife deteriorate in the space of just three years, his view is clear: “Dementia killed my wife”, he said.

The 78-year-old, of Cross Gates has spoken to the Yorkshire Evening Post to share his heartbreaking experience of losing the love of his life, Audrey, to the devastating disease and has pledged to join the fight for a cure by creating a book in aid of Alzheimer’s Research.

Light in the Darkness is now on sale and is a compilation of poems and short stories, written by Brian, with all proceeds going to the charity.

He said: “It’s in memory of Audrey and if I can play a little part in helping people not to get dementia. It's probably revenge against dementia I suppose. I don’t want other people to go through what we went through.”

Audrey died on New Year’s Day last year, aged 78, with Brian and one of their two sons by her side.

The couple had been married for 56 years when she died, after first meeting at a church youth club in 1960.

Church was a major part of both their lives and at St Wilfrid’s Church in Halton, Audrey took on a number of roles including church warden, council secretary and baptism visitor.

Brian said: “Audrey was an incredibly capable person. She was very shy but very determined.”

But in 2016 she began to have a series of black outs and would wake up startled and “whatever had been going on in her mind then was real”, said Brian.

A visit to St James’s Hospital led to the dementia diagnosis and Brian took on the role as her carer for the next three years.

“I came to realise that potentially I was going to lose her three times - when the dementia kicked in, lose her physically when she went into care and lose her at the end when she died.”

And from then, the symptoms just began to worsen.

“Dementia reduced this capable, amazing woman into somebody I had to wash, change her clothes, bathe her. She just lost even the ability to talk. We couldn’t even communicate.”

Eventually, the decision was made for Audrey to move into Springfield Care Home in Garforth.

Within a short space of time she then lost her ability to walk and eventually stopped eating and drinking and doctors began talking about end of life care.

Brain said: “I spoke to my boys about that. It wasn’t something I took lightly. When you love someone as much as I loved Audrey you don’t want to lose them.”

But he added: “I think at the end she made herself die. I’m convinced she knew she had lost so much. She was a very determined lady, was Audrey and I just think she was determined to escape. She was the kind of person who would do for you rather than be done for.”

Since the 1970s, Brian had written “daft poems” and short stories “just as a bit of fun” but after receiving some positive feedback he decided to create a book for people to buy in aid of Alzheimer’s Research.

He said: “Dementia killed my wife. I want to kill dementia or do what I can towards that.”

He added: “I know that Audrey would have kicked my backside if I had sat around moping. I know she would want me to carry on.”

An online video has been created of Brian’s story by charity Lippy People, as part of a project to support people through bereavement and loss.

In Brian’s video he reveals that Audrey’s battle with dementia briefly made him question his faith but he now “thanks God every day for the 56 years we had together”.

He added: “I reckon if everyone had a marriage like that there would be no trouble in the world because it would be all about love.”

To order a copy of Brian’s book, email [email protected].

For more information on Alzheimer’s Research visit https://www.alzheimersresearchuk.org.

*One of Brian’s poems, My Dearest Love, was written after a difficult day caring for Audrey.

It reads:

You’ve gone, you’ve left me, my dearest love.

But I’ve not lost you to heaven above.

For you’re here beside me, but you’re not you

Though your voice, your face are the same it’s true.

No, my loss is not through death’s decree

but dementia has taken my love from me.

The plans we made for our later life

have disappeared in this confused strife.

I look at you, whom I love so dear

and it hurts that your no longer here.

Where you’ve gone, I cannot know.

I only know I still love you so.

One day, maybe, we’ll be as one,

when our time on earth is done.

In God’s sweet heaven we’ll then abide

and once again you’ll be my bride.

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