Meet the man who has gone from soldier to stand-up comedian. Edinburgh-born, he now lives in Meanwood, Leeds. The 29-year-old is due to appear at 7 Atrs, Chapel Allerton on July 9
What is your job?
Recruitment and comedian. Ex Army, where I served in the Household Cavalry which is famously known as the Horse Guards. I know work in recruitment, recruiting finance and accountancy professionals around West Yorkshire for Sewell Moorhouse.
What’s your earliest memory?
Marching up and down mum and Dad’s hall way playing kid-sized bagpipes in a tartan dressing gown. Now I am learning the pipes with city of Leeds pipe band.
If you could pass a new law, what would it be and why?
To make the game “Knock Door Run” illegal! Oh, it is apparently... stand by kids next time you mess about at my house. Seen by many as a harmless (if annoying) children’s game, knocking on someone’s door and running away is actually illegal under the 1839 law. It makes it an offence to ‘wilfully and wantonly disturb any inhabitant by pulling or ringing any door-bell or knocking at any door without lawful excuse’.
What would you like to consign to room 101?
Pointless questions... no offence.
What would you most like to achieve in life and why?
To be amazing on the bagpipes. Yes I am saying that publicly.
When did you last have a drink?
As in a drink drink? Well that would be a bottle of Pils (German lager) from Aldi. I love German lager. I spent 12 years in Germany as my Dad served there in the British Army. My favourite is probably Warsteiner. Anyway, I had my lager at home. My other half Chloe and I love festivals. She spends long hard shifts working at Leeds General Infirmary. I spent the Saturday alone so I made a homemade Glastonbury in our house. The event on tele, BBQ food and the fire going in the garden, I had my Pils lager and Chloe had a Pornstar Martini. We don’t mess about in our house.
What keeps you awake at night?
Sirens, house alarms, usually. Other than that I am sound asleep.
Describe your perfect day...
I like to watch absolute nonsense on tele, make terrible food, order take-away and have plenty of snacks (making sure I put all the litter in a supermarket carrier bag). Whilst lazing about I like to tweet and facebook and writing comedy. Then when Chloe comes home I put the bag of litter in the bin telling her all I have done all day is housework and ironing. Also that I am starving as I haven’t eaten yet.
Martin will perform at 7 Arts on Thursday July 9 from 8pm. #StandUpSoldier, @MartinSemple. Tickets, £5, from 0113 2626777.