With Christmas less than two months away it’s got me thinking a lot about love and how important it is having those special people around you at this time of year.
Two months ago a friend of mine ended her marriage, it’s always sad news hearing about situations like this and it often makes you think about your own relationship.
When you marry someone the majority of people do so with the idea that it is for life, through all those ups and downs, no matter what.
My husband’s first marriage occurred when he was just 21 and he says he knew it wasn’t right but back then he felt he had no choice.
He also says he regrets how long he stayed in the marriage, wasting time and being unhappy but admits it was easier than facing a divorce and family and friends with the news. Chris is without doubt the love of my life and he says I’m his and although we’ve had some tough times I wouldn’t change a thing.
I try not to ever take him or our marriage for granted but when you’ve been with someone a long time, you do sometimes just rely on them always being there.
When I married Chris I remember thinking ‘this is it, no running away, hard work, trust and honesty’. Have there been times when I’ve thought I’ve had enough, I can’t do this anymore, because relationships, marriages are tough and at times you are tested.
For me the idea that you can love someone so much and then suddenly things fall apart is just so bewildering and sad. I know people who have ended up detesting each other after years of being together as a couple and I can’t quite comprehend how that can happen but it does.
The truth is though you never know how life is going to turn out and although you can put one 100 per cent into loving a person, some people just aren’t meant to be together forever. Then there’s the times when the love just disappears and a third party becomes involved. We judge, but if we are honest with ourselves no one wants to be in an unhappy relationship and falling in love with someone else can feel like a breath of fresh air. So how do you know when it’s time to walk away? For the friend I know they said they’d tried everything but things had started to turn unpleasant and they didn’t want to spend the rest of their life miserable. I also have a very close friend who I know is unhappy in her marriage and has been for years but continues to stick with it. It makes me sad to see her missing opportunities in life because of her situation but I don’t tell her what to do, I just listen.
We all deserve to be happy, we all deserve the chance to love and be loved by the right person. I don’t believe anyone should stay together for the sake of it, even if children are involved, happy parents make happy children. I think it’s far braver to walk away and start again rather than stay in a situation that brings lots of unhappiness. Walking away is the hardest thing to do though isn’t it? All those commitments made to each other, the memories – good and bad, and the fear of the unknown. Then of course there are the financial implications for a lot of people, especially when children are involved and understandably that can stop people from making a move. Falling out of love with someone is like feeling like a part of you is dying a little; it just eats away at you until nothing is left in your heart anymore. It happens in friendships too, we can love a friend and believe they will always be in our lives but then life takes an unexpected twist and things change. The end of that relationship or friendship is like a grieving process and it can take a long time to come to terms with.I’m an old romantic and I like to think no matter what, everything happens for a reason and there is someone out there for everyone. Especially with Christmas just around the corner, love is very much on most people’s minds. No one deserves to be unhappy and no matter what choices we make in life or whom we fall in love with everyone needs people around them to support, listen and not judge.
Making new friendships
It can be really difficult to make new friends especially once you are older and busy running around after a family.
Most people, myself included, tend to have a small circle of people and that’s that. In my case my close friends don’t live anywhere near me so when we moved a year ago I felt lonely at times and struggled. Just lately I’ve started to form a little group of mum friends from my daughter’s school and it’s really nice.
I’m not really into mum’s groups, they terrified me after having my daughter and I felt many I met at the time were quite judgemental. I wasn’t at all interested in becoming ‘one of those mums’ so I didn’t. This time round though with baby two on his way I would really like to think I have some friends I can chat to at times. Becoming a mum although wonderful can be isolating at times. There’s nothing more reassuring than telling someone how you’re feeling and them saying “You’re not alone, I get it, I’ve felt like that too at times”.
I’ve even started a WhatsApp group for parents in my daughter’s class. Some of the mums were saying how easy it is to forget parents evening or fancy dress days so I thought it would be a good way of communicating and helping each other. Nobody wants to see anyone fail and us parents are only human we forget things sometimes or in my case all the time! Forming these type of groups is good when it comes to arranging mums nights out too – what mum doesn’t deserve a cocktail or two now and again?
Outraged at Strictly scores
It’s not often I shout at the television but Saturday night was one such occasion.
What on earth is going on with Strictly Come Dancing? Is it just me or are some of the points given outrageously generous for certain celebrities who cannot actually dance?
There seems to be a lot of talk about ‘technical ability’ from new head judge Shirley Ballas, then in the next minute the judges are telling us it’s an entertainment show and high marks are being awarded to a celebrity who has made them laugh. How an earth could a genuinely good dancer like Aston Merrygold end up leaving the show when there’s contestant like Susan Calman and Ruth Langsford still competing? Bosses should take note, Strictly is starting to lose that special magic it once possessed. With no Brucey or Len Goodman Strictly is becoming predictable and lacklustre in excitement. I might even turn over to the X Factor this weekend.