Kelly Pegg: Is it the man’s duty to pay when you’re on a first date?

Actress Paula Williamson who appeared on TV this week talking about her engagement to prisoner Charles Bronson.
Actress Paula Williamson who appeared on TV this week talking about her engagement to prisoner Charles Bronson.
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A single friend of mine recently went on a date with a guy she’d been keen on for a while.

It didn’t go so well when three days later after the date I received a phone call.

She said: “Kelly I haven’t heard from him since. I don’t know what I did wrong”.

What followed was a long conversation about the date itself and then there was the revelation, which just left me speechless: “I didn’t take my purse as it was the first date so he should pay, right?” No actually that’s not right, that’s wrong, wrong, wrong.

I was horrified. “What were you thinking?” I screamed at her. “He clearly thinks you’re some kind of freeloader”.

According to my friend it’s a man’s duty to pay on a first date and it turns out she NEVER takes her purse on a first encounter.

Now I’m an old fashioned girl and I love a man to be well mannered, a man who will open doors and give you his coat if you’re cold, but I do like to pay my way.

It’s all so unfamiliar on a first date, a person doesn’t know if they are going to see the other person again and that makes me feel terribly uncomfortable about letting somebody pay for my evening.

What happens if you decided after the date that you never want to see that person again? It seems a little unfair to me that they have paid for your night in return for nothing.

What also worries me is by letting a guy pay for everything on the first date, he may expect more than a peck on the cheek and that for me has always been a big no no.

The first date I went on with my husband was just drinks and we took it in turn to pay for rounds, At the time he earned a lot more money than me but that didn’t matter.

I’m a very generous person anyway and I think there’s nothing worse than somebody who is mean and expects someone else to pay for everything.

I’m also an independent woman who has always worked and can pay her own way.

I’m no feminist and I love good old fashioned romance but I hate the idea that women can be portrayed as spongers who expected the opposite sex to pay for everything.

If the tables were turned and I was on a first date with a guy who expected me to foot the whole bill I would be hugely disappointed and would definitely never arrange a second date.

When talking about this dilemma on the Breakfast show the majority of women were in uproar over my friend and her ‘no purse on the first date’ policy.

There was one lady though who still single, admitted she absolutley expects a man to cough up on a first date and for her it’s deal breaker if he doesn’t.

She believed the wooing was all down to the male initially but with today’s modern dating scene I just don’t buy into that.

Women are strong, independent and many earn just as much money as men if not more, we don’t need guys to pay for our food or our drinks.

It’s the fundamentals that matter on a first date – manners, interesting conversation and of course a physical attraction.

My friend remarkably still thinks she is in the right and is adamant her purse should stay at home on first dates despite me screaming at her “it’s the 21st century!”.

Something tells me she might be single for a while.

Praise for Paula’s bravery

The story of actress Paula Williamson and her impending marriage to the notorious violent criminal Charles Bronson is everywhere.

He’s spent more than 40 years behind bars and is currently at HM Prison Wakefield.

Paula has been on national TV this week talking about her love for this man.

I don’t pretend to understand it at all but I do admire her bravery for being so open. It takes courage to say something you know nearly everyone or anyone is going to berate you for!

I really felt for her whilst watching her interviewed on Loose Women. It was like watching a lamb being thrown to the lions as the panel tutted and frowned as she spoke about her romance with the prisoner.

Shame on you ladies, you invited her on the show and whether you agree with her choice in men or not, you should have shown her more respect.

I thought the show was about empowering women and celebrating everyone’s choices, but not if that interview was anything to go by.

Listeners shared their date stories

So this week we launched the Ultimate First Date on Radio Aire’s Breakfast Show Kelly, Ant, and Michael.

We have one Leeds bachelor who is locked away in a different studio to ours and we aren’t allowed to see him.

This week we are finding out all about him before introducing him to the single ladies who are keen to meet him next week.

Once he decides which lucky woman he wants to get better acquainted with, we then send them off to Paris for the weekend with our very own Captain Sensible – Michael – chaperoning them.

It got us all to thinking about first dates can be awful so we asked our listeners to share their worst ones with us and they didn’t disappoint.

Jackie from Seacroft called to tells us her worst first date involved a baker who took her to McDonald’s and spoke really slowly like she was a child.

She said it was unbearable so she had to do a ‘burner’ as she put it, basically get out of there as quick as possible!

I think I must be one of the lucky ones or picky ones, as I can’t think of any first dates that have been terrible, thankfully.

Mind you once you’re married that part of your life seems to fade!

Make sure you’re listening to the show to find out if our Leeds bachelor finds true love.

We are keeping our fingers crossed.