Kelly Pegg: Infidelity - is it a case of once a cheater always a cheater?

PA Photo/thinkstockphotos.
PA Photo/thinkstockphotos.
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Once a cheater, always a cheater or a leopard never changes its spots.

How many times have you heard those phrases? This week I found myself using both as I attempted to console a friend of mine who was desperately trying to make sense of why her partner of two years had cheated on her.

She’s in her early 20s and is gorgeous, well dressed and lovely and now thanks to her bad-boy boyfriend she is heartbroken.

There I was using all the clichés that have been used on me in the past: ‘it’ll be okay,’ ‘he doesn’t deserve you,’ ‘you can do better,’ but I knew deep down it was making no difference.

Her whole being was stinging with the betrayal and pain. She was most likely telling herself that there must have been a mistake; surely he hadn’t really cheated on her?

Deep down she knew it wasn’t the first time – admitting that she had her suspicions before.

I suddenly thought about my daughter and what I would do or say if this was her in years to come, how do you mend a broken heart?

The sad fact is it that people do cheat in relationships and there can be a thousand reasons why. The older and more experienced we become the more we grow to understand life isn’t black and white. There are the people out there who cheat because they can and they like it. Then there are the people who fall out of love with their current partner and in love with someone new.

When I was at school I knew a girl whose father had a mistress and he would live for a time with her and then for a time with his wife and children.Of course her mum was heartbroken and looked like a woman who had given up on life. I don’t know how she managed to carry on let alone accept the situation.

Everyone makes mistakes in life especially when you’re young but there comes a time in life when fidelity is everything. For me when I married my husband that was it. I remember thinking as I stood at the altar ‘No matter what happens or how we struggle, I will never stray or give up on this partnership’.

I like everyone else have had ups and downs in my relationship but I know I would never cheat on my husband and I know he wouldn’t cheat on me. I feel lucky to be able to say that - in our marriage you more likely to find us arguing over dirty washing being left on the bedroom floor than infidelity.

I think dealing with betrayal is one of the hardest things because it involves rejection, which everyone finds painful. I’m not great at forgiving someone if they have hurt or betrayed me so if someone did cheat on me its fair to say I would never be able to stay with them.

We’ve all read stories about celebrities who forgive their partner for cheating and continue to stay with them. Part of me admires them for not giving up on their relationship but the other part of me thinks they should get out.

Without trust a relationship is nothing, trust is the basis for everything. How can a relationship be a happy one if there is no trust?

By accepting you can’t trust your partner aren’t you more or less saying that you’re happy to turn a blind eye to their antics?

No one wants to be a doormat and whilst fidelity is about exclusive love it’s also about respect and admiration. Call me an old fashioned romantic if you will but there is something lovely about only having eyes for one person.

Once you’ve found your soul mate the relationship you build together is a force field where no one else should be able to get in.

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve been in love with the idea of being in love. Finding the ‘one’ was something I dreamt of and everyday (no matter how much he irritates me sometimes) I count my lucky stars that I have found my one.

Chris is my forever and he always treats me like I’m his. I told my friend she needs to realise her self worth and remember being with a cheater would never make her happy. She was off to Dublin for a few days so I’m hoping she has a good old party with the girls and keeps the self belief that her ‘one’ is out there and when she finds him he will only have eyes for her.

Exercise after birth can wait

TV Presenter Emma Willis has admitted overdoing it with her exercise regime after the birth of her third child.

She say’s she made herself so poorly that she couldn’t really walk for a couple of days.

It makes me so sad to hear this but I totally get it. Us women put so much pressure on ourselves after having a baby it’s ridiculous.

Instead of enjoying that special time, we are planning how we are going to get back into our pre-pregnancy jeans!

I did exactly this after the birth of my daughter. Within eight weeks I was swinging kettle bells in my back garden, pulling my sacroiliac joint and not being able to walk. It was more painful than my C-section!

I think we are surrounded by celebrities looking great during pregnancy and afterwards and we think we should look the same.

We forget they have stylists and make-up artists helping them to look fabulous.

Let’s be honest the majority of women look tired and sick during the first trimester of pregnancy at least.

After baby arrives we just look tired!

What we have to remember is we are amazing, our bodies are incredible and no matter what our size we should be proud and lucky that we have managed to survive pregnancy.

The exercise can wait, I say have lots of cuddles with your new addition, lots of chocolate biscuits and a glass or two of fizz - it’s the least you deserve.

Is Anne-Marie still single?

We have a new feature on Radio Aire’s Breakfast Show called Is Anne-Marie still single?

Anne-Marie is a friend of mine who lives in Leeds and is living the single girl life.

Every weekend she has a new date but it never seems to go anywhere.

I’m forever dishing out advice to her but I’ve decided it’s time to let the people of Leeds help out.

Last weekend she went on a date with a guy she had met on Tinder. Despite telling her he was from Yorkshire it turned out he was actually German and she couldn’t understand a word he said!

For any girl or guy out there who are single, Anne-Marie’s adventures will make you laugh out loud.

If you’re like me and you’re taken, then her stories will take you down memory lane.

Make sure you’re listening on Friday and Monday after 7 to find out if Anne-Marie is still single.