A friend of mine is pregnant with her first and is about two weeks ahead of me.
The other day I caught her tutting at her phone and shaking her head. “What’s wrong?” I asked and she looked at me like she was ready to burst into tears.
“What’s pregnancy Zen?” she asked, “pregnancy what?” I exclaimed.
It turns out a heavily pregnant friend of hers had posted a picture of herself on instagram looking fabulous in a yoga pose and bragging about great she felt great and had her ‘pregnancy Zen’.
My friend however was still throwing up numerous times a day and feeling horrendous.
Thank you social media for not being real and making us all compare ourselves to each other.
I reassured her that the majority of women struggle throughout pregnancy and although it’s a wonderful gift being able to carry a baby, it’s also horrible at times and most women don’t find it easy.
As for pregnancy Zen – well what a load of nonsense!
At four months pregnant I’m still having rough days. Last week my hubby and I had a meeting at our daughter’s school. We decided to walk and we hadn’t even got out of our drive when I passed my handbag to Chris whilst I held my hair back and threw up in our bushes! There’s nothing glamorous about that or feeling like you’re sailing on rough seas 24/7.
Since around the six-week mark of my pregnancy I’ve had water infections, anemia, constant nausea and then a few weeks ago came the big health scare.
A week after my first scan I was driving home on the M62 when I had call from the hospital telling me they were concerned about my baby’s development.
As you can imagine I couldn’t get my head around anything they were saying, I could barely catch my breath. In a panic I called my husband who came home straight away and called the hospital as nothing they had said to me had sunk in at all. It was my ripe old age of 35 that had tipped me over into the high-risk category apparently because 35 is so old isn’t it?
I don’t smoke, I train at the gym and I eat healthily so when being told I’m an old mum, well it felt like they were talking to someone else.
The reality was they were talking to me though and fast forward a day and I was at the hospital having specialist blood tests to determine if there was a problem.
Then we endured a seven-day agonising wait for the results.
I remember sitting by my living room window watching the rain fall praying in my head that my baby was going to be ok. My husband stayed positive throughout the whole ordeal and was my rock “It’ll be ok, you wait and see,” he kept saying. All I could think was ‘I don’t care if I’m sick every day up until the birth as long as my baby is ok’.
When the day finally came to get the results my hands were shaking, I had never felt so anxious about anything in my life.
We were over the moon to discover that baby Two is absolutely fine and of course we both felt so grateful. I still have to have extra scans throughout my pregnancy journey just to make sure my baby is growing.As you can tell from reading this there is definitely no pregnancy Zen going on with me!
I’m still waiting to bloom and look healthy. At the moment I just look like I’ve had my fingers in the biscuit jar one too many times! If I get out of bed and manage a shower it’s a result as is managing to stay awake all day! I feel like I am no longer in control of my body at all and as magical as that is, some days it’s tough. I think women just need to be more honest and if we were we would actually help others going through similar things.
Hopefully if you’re reading this and you are finding your pregnancy tough you now you’re not alone, you’re not the only one not to glow or not have any pregnancy Zen! Most importantly know that it’s ok, and you’re doing just great.