Jayne Dawson: The trends for 2017 '“ and which ones to embrace

There we would be, fully-fledged perfect beings, all seeking a twenty-something to look down on every New Year’s Eve.

Let’s talk trends instead. They’re more fun, and less stressy. A resolution comes with inbuilt failure, but a trend is more frivolous.You can take it or leave it without lasting damage to your sense of self worth. Unless you have entirely missed out on grey. If a wall in your home isn’t painted grey by now, you really need to examine your relationship with popular culture, social media, daytime television and the world in general, really. I’ll leave it there.

But there are other trends, besides grey, which I will now outline - to save you the bother - with useful tips on which to tiptoe around and which to jump in, feet first.

In the kitchen, kale is over. You know: bitter, green, like cabbage after a rough night. If you haven’t discovered it by now, don’t bother. We have reached peak kale, and moved on. This year, the plant-based food item to aim for is ...anything that is somewhere near purple on the colour spectrum. Think beetroot, red cabbage, and blackberries. Even purple sprouts - yes, they do exist, saw them in the supermarket before Christmas. Anyway, all of these have wonderful properties, I’m not sure exactly what they are, but they are very Good For You so I’m saying embrace the purple, it looks good on a winter plate if nothing else.

In the world of interior design though, purple is nowhere. Green, bright, bright green is the colour of the year and that’s official because Pantone, the company which decrees these things, has said so.

Other items on the interior design trend list this year are: butterflies (replacing flamingos as the fashionable motif), lots of mixed pattern, pretend leather and appliances that fold up. My advice here is to keep it simple. A folding appliance sounds very breakable, butterflies only look good in the garden. Maybe paint a wall green, if you can bear to part with any of your grey.

But don’t get too hooked on improving your surroundings because life in 2017 is not meant to be about material things at all. Caring too much about your home, going all out to get the mortgage for the detached, spending your cash on sofas...that’s all a bit last century.

This year, experiences are what counts. It’s what you do, not what you buy that defines. So get out there and do stuff. I’m all for this - except for attending concerts. The cost of a ticket has increased by 400 per cent between 1981 and 2012. Think about this next time you are in an arena, half a mile from the stage, having to stand because the drunk in front of you won’t stay in their seat, having your toes trodden on every few seconds by people leaving their expensive seat to join the queue for the overpriced drinks in plastic glasses.

Embrace life, I insist that you do, but forget the concerts - that way expensive disappointment lies.

And so to the world of fitness. A place where trends breed like rabbits. The turnover is exhausting, they arrive and disappear faster than Usain Bolt. Here is what you need to know: crawling is the new plank - good for your core AND your back - think of that next time you are attempting to eliminate dust from under the bed; slacklining (like a tightrope but, well, slacker) is good for every single muscle in your entire body.

But, pin back your lugs here, the big trend is a comback kid. Aerobics is back! Yes, the moves once extolled by Jane Fonda, the ones that require you to wear a leotard, leggings, leg warmers and, if you are going for full immersion, a headband.This is the one to go for.

So there you have it. 2017 promises to be a difficult year but I’ve given you the best steer I can. Fire up that Madonna soundtrack and go.

Dumb it down Sherlock

It didn’t take long. Day One, and 2017 had already disappointed me. I’m not angry, just a bit sad.

It was Sherlock wot did it.

After the days of inbetween, the torpor of the final week, the dog days of the year, I was hoping for a bit of brainy zip and zing.

You know, a contrast with the comfy cosiness of post-Christmas, something to kick me into fresh new year mode.

But all I got was a headache. It was clever, of course it was. But maybe a bit too clever.

I would be happy with Sherlock solving some improbable crime. I don’t need all that super-baddy, international espionage, Moriarty dead-or-alive stuff.

And then there is Mary. I like to see women get meaty roles I really do, but Mary has a lot to answer for.

Everything was lovely and simple until she came along. There were two blokes, one of them brainy but strange and the other slower but likeable.

But Mary, with her mysterious past, shooting people, taking bullets for them, dying...possibly. All of that. It’s too much

I call it Dr Who Syndrome. The irresistible urge for writers to make things stupidly complex.

The revived Dr Who was a thing of beauty, until it got all unfathomable. Now, I avoid it.

If I want to feel bored and annoyed I can achieve it in more productive ways, like sorting out a kitchen cupboard. So please, Sherlock, dumb it down a bit before it’s too late.

Love affair with our pyjamas ends

How much do you love your pyjamas? I love mine very, very much.

Sometimes I love my hot water bottle more, but it’s temporary.

I always return to my first, true love - my jim-jams.

Last week was a national love affair with our pyjamas.

We got out of them late and returned to them early, if we got out of them at all.

We luxuriated in their comfort as we lolled on the sofa, picking delicately from a variety of chocolate-based treats.

We accessorised with a trackie top and some big socks and knew the meaning of true, glorious relaxation.

This week, we have had to stop doing that. What is smart behaviour in late December is loser behaviour in early January.

So now we have to get back into the tedious routine of being clean and dressed.

It’s fine I suppose, but it just feels like too soon.