Nice try, Dave. No, really, you nearly had me going there for a minute.
All that stuff in your conference speech yesterday about the Tories being the party of the people? Brilliant. Bravo.
It was frightfully clever of you to turn the tables like that and claim Labour weren’t “the party for working people but for hurting people”.
But then you are a frightfully clever chap. Your parents spent a decent chunk of their enormous wealth making sure of that.
Only I’m not buying it.
That bit about social mobility, it “not being about where you’ve come from but where you’re going”, sounded great.
It’s just that it’s hard to reconcile that with a party that squeezes the less well-off until the pips squeak but hands tax cuts to millionaires.
A party that hurts hard-working families with cuts to tax credits but makes sure the Old School Tie brigade are well looked after.
If you want a giggle about social mobility, just picture Cameron in his fellow Tory top brass looking all smug and sneery in their Bullingdon Club jackets.
Then laugh at the sheer lunacy of the Conservatives as the party fighting for a classless society.
And all those buzz words about closing the gap between the North and that lot down South.
“Northern Powerhouse” this, “rebalancing the economy” that – what do they really add up to?
Each resident of London gets £5,500 spent on them in terms of investment in local infrastructure.
Here in Yorkshire it’s just over 200 quid.
We’re told we can have devolution – just as long as it’s along the lines laid down by Whitehall.
And the other day we were meant to bow and scrape before Chancellor George Osborne because he said local councils like Leeds could keep hold of business rates – the money they charge local shops, restaurants and the like.
Whoop de doo.
We were all supposed to be celebrating a massive step forward in putting cash back into the North.
Until someone pointed out this would only widen the gap between us and them because although councils like Westminster in London are half the size of Leeds they rake in about four times as much in business rates. Yet again, it’s smoke and mirrors all the way.
Then there was Tory Home Secretary Theresa May, who told us that high immigration made it “impossible to build a cohesive society”.
Many might agree with her. So where are the Government sticking all the incoming refugees (and this isn’t a dig at those poor souls)?
In the North, of course. Because it’s cheaper.
Obviously not bothered about building a “cohesive society” up here, are they? Just as long as they can save a few quid.
A big part of Cameron’s speech yesterday was about housing – his pledge to go from “Generation Rent to Generation Own”.
Again, it sounds good.
Delve a bit deeper though and – shock horror – the policies appear to give a leg-up to the already well-off. The starter homes developers will be made to build instead of affordable rental properties aren’t exactly on the cheap side.
The Yorkshire-based Joseph Rowntree Foundation has worked out that to afford one you’ll need to be earning £55,000 a year.
So what other masterstroke does Dave have up his sleeve to solve the housing crisis?
Flogging off the little that’s left of our social housing stock, of course. Ignoring the fact that a city like ours has got about 20,000 waiting to rent one.
It’s a leaf straight out of Margaret Thatcher’s book – and one guaranteed to bring short-term gain and long-term pain.
So now it’s a choice between heading back to the 80s with Cameron or a return to the 70s under Comrade Corbyn.
At this rate, in about five years’ time we’ll be due the next Tony Blair. At this rate, I’d probably even vote for him.