From Desk Until Dawn: stop dreaming of a white Christmas and say no to snow
Let's not lie to ourselves, we all secretly hate it when snow starts to settle.
It takes a lot to get my rage gauge going, but there is one thing in this world that strikes fear into my heart like nothing else.
Now before accusations start flying around, I do not hate Christmas. I do not hate baubles, funny hats, a roast dinner or Irving Berlin's White Christmas- I'm no Scrooge.
Yet when that first snowflake falls from the sky, scratch that, when the weather man starts speculating that a snowflake may possibly settle on the ground, I see no other way around it than to immediately furrow my brow and erupt into what can only be described as a massive strop.
Taking to social media I'll scowl whenever I see the obligatory 'OMG! It's snowing!' post on Facebook, and you can bet your bottom dollar I won't be leaving my living room until I see the evil white stuff turn to sludge.
Only when the ice has melted and the buses are back on schedule will I emerge from my sulk, and there is no amount of prodding or convincing that will change my demeanor.
What about seeing all those people happy and building snowmen? I hear you ask.
Look at them! Look at the small children sledging, the folk sat on park benches caked in snow drinking mulled wine- how could you possibly be so miserable?
Alas, maybe at the age of seven or eight I rejoiced in the fact that I didn't have to go to school, and I could instead throw snow at other children in the woods near my house.
But now as a grown-up (debatably), I do not get to enjoy life's simple pleasures, like rolling about on the floor and chucking stuff at people I don't like.
Instead a snow day for me means making the treacherous journey into the office by foot instead of bus, along a route that is likely to result in me getting a mild concussion from ice lobbed off the top of the NCP car park by some yobs.
As an adult, snow is nothing but a week ruiner. The damp smell left on your coat, the falling flat on your face when you mistake ice for tarmac, the extra 40 quid in heating bills - I don't think I'm the problem here.
The problem, I repeat, is snow.
It seems to be some kind of childhood fascination we forget to let go of as we grow older, and no matter how many train cancellations, holidays gone awry and soggy clothes we're left with we still cross our fingers and toes hoping for its arrival.
I say it should be different this year.
Let's all stop dreaming of a white Christmas and reject snow once and for all.
Say no to snow.
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