Two generations of women on the maternal side of Birstall 26-year-old Emily Ranoble’s family have been affected by breast cancer.
She is due to have radical surgery to stop her developing the disease and is writing a weekly blog each Monday in the YEP.
Last week I wrote ‘today is the day I have my operation’.
I’m really disappointed that this was not the case as my operation was cancelled due to a bed shortage.
Over the past few weeks I’ve struggled to define how I’ve felt, but I know exactly how I feel now, and that is totally deflated.
Since being given the date, I have been preparing for it all to happen on April 13. That involved mental preparation so that I was at ease with everything, as well as taking practical steps, like creating an action plan for work and arranging for my wife’s mum to come up from Hertfordshire for a week so that she could help out. I now can’t help but feel that was all such a waste.
I think that the worst part is that I now feel like I’ve gone backwards. I feel that I’m now in a worse position than I was three weeks ago.
Now not only have I not had the operation, I don’t even have a date. It is just back to waiting and feeling like everything is on hold. I’m not angry, I’m just frustrated, and most of all I just feel utterly disheartened.
I’m also worried that when I do get offered a new date I will struggle to get myself psyched up for it, because at the back of my mind I am fearful that this will happen again.
I am doing my best to get back to my usual positive self. Hopefully by next week I will have a new date and will feel like I am moving in the right direction again.