Kelly Pegg: Is it ever okay to look through your partner’s phone?

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Have you ever snooped through a loved one’s phone or emails?

I think the answer would be yes from most of you. We’ve all done it at least once and I’m sure it was for reasons at the time that we thought were justified.

I once said on the radio that if a partner wouldn’t let you look at their phone then they were probably cheating on you. I remember the phone lines lighting up with a mixed response.

One female listener called me ‘insecure’ whilst a man who called in told me how his partner had never let him near her phone and he later discovered she had been cheating on him for two years.

This was all brought back to me a few days ago when a friend called to tell me her boyfriend of three months had ended their relationships after catching her going through his phone.

My friend has been cheated on in previous relationships so it’s fair to say she does have trust issues.

I admitted to her that if someone had done this to me after three months I would have probably ended the relationship too. It’s way to early to expect to share everything after just three months of dating. Now I do go through my husband’s phone and emails sometimes, which is more to do with the fact that I’m nosey than suspicious.

Chris and I have been together for nearly ten years and share the same passwords for our phones, laptops, just about everything.

If suddenly he changed his password on his phone and wouldn’t tell me what it is of course I would be suspicious! To me anyone in a long -term relationship who is secretive and not open is hiding something.

There have been times when me having a snoop through my hubby’s phone has caused issues.

There was a woman who worked for him who would text all the time about work issues and she would use all kinds of emojis and type kisses at the end of the message.

I was furious, Chris isn’t a kissy type of person and the only time he uses emojis is when he is texts me.

Ever the professional my husband didn’t reply to the texts and understandably felt very uncomfortable about the whole situation. I admit I was the green -eyed monster, consumed with jealousy, and checking his phone became a hobby that did cause rows. Looking back I think I did feel insecure, I was going through a difficult time at work and he was enjoying his new job and maybe I was worried I’d lose him.

With modern technology as advanced as it is there’s no question that it is easy for a person to have an affair. There are even websites now set up purely for people who want to cheat. There is the argument that a healthy relationship means to respect each other’s privacy.

I believe this only applies to relationships in the early days though. Once you’re married you learn everything about each other, you become best friends and there is no place for secrets, well not bad ones anyway. Relationship experts say snooping through your other halves phone means you don’t love yourself and it can be classed as borderline stalking. However there’s a clear difference between snooping now and again and going through your partner’s private messages as a form of control. Before I met my husband I was in a relationship with someone who was mentally abusive and he was controlling. I didn’t live with him but I remember whenever I stayed at his house I would leave my mobile phone in my car overnight.

I was petrified he would read through my texts and get angry because I had male friends. That is an extreme case and not a healthy one. If I put myself in the shoes of a person who genuinely believed they were being cheated on then I think it’s justified to look through phones and emails.

A friend of mine once hacked into her then boyfriend’s Facebook account to discover he had been arranging dates with different girls he was meeting through work.

She should have left him but sadly she stayed with him only for him to leave her a year later. We all want to be in a relationship where we have complete trust but all relationships have ups and downs. Whilst invading your other half’s privacy may not be the healthiest behavior neither is being secretive and hiding information.

No place in the classroom

I am flabbergasted at the call for 11-year-olds to be taught about breastfeeding in schools.

Has someone completely forgotten the saying ‘let kids be kids’? This is an utterly ridiculous and a foolish suggestion from the Chief at Public Health England – Viv Bennett.

If she wants to help girls and woman there are so many more pressing health issues that she could focus on and put her energy into.

Reading this story made me feel like we have been taken back to the 1940s where females were only seen as baby making machines. Breast feeding is a hot topic and many women myself included have strong feelings about the issue. There is far too much pressure put on women to breastfeed. Not every woman can - I really struggled with my daughter and stopped after three weeks.

Not every woman wants to breastfeed and that is their personal choice and it should be accepted. The bottom line is as long as baby is fed and is healthy and happy, that should be all that matters.

I’d like to see more support for mums when it comes to body changes, mental health during and after pregnancy and the basic shocks that come with having a baby like sleepless nights.

This subject has no place in a school classroom. Surely we should be teaching our 11-year-olds that they can achieve anything in life, the world is their oyster and babies can wait.

Pregnancy is a special journey

I’m nearly five months’ pregnant with my second child and it really feels like I’ve been pregnant for a century!

Baby two is moving a lot, which is lovely, however I don’t feel so lovely. I still feel sick during the evening; by 2pm I’m totally exhausted and fit for nothing and I look it! I’m keeping everything crossed that I will bloom with baby two at some point. I can’t help but look at the calendar some days and imagine Christmas when baby arrives. I’m so looking forward to meeting them and having a glass of fizz and eating what ever I like.

I feel like I have no control over my body at all which can actually feel quite difficult at times. My clothes are getting tighter and none of my bras fit. This week it was time for a cut and colour, as my hair was a total mess. It always makes you feel better if your hair looks nice. I think I’m still at that stage where if I’m wearing jeans and a t-shirt I don’t really look pregnant but if I’m in a dress I look massive. However hard it is, especially physically, it’s an exciting time and pregnancy is a very special journey.

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