Following HIstoriC events this week, I think there’s a gap in the market for Brexit: The Bored Game.
The object of the game would be to try to ‘Brexit’, i.e.: to break away from the EU, an almost impossible feat.
Participants would be able to play as Theresa May, Boris Johnson, Amber Rudd, Jean-Claude Junker, Michele Barnier and even, yes, Nigel Farage and Jacob Rees-Mogg (who are, inevitably, the most fun characters to play in the game).
The rules would be very very complicated. So much so, in fact, that at the start of the game, no-one will actually know how to play it. People who are misguided enough to buy Brexit: The Bored Game will open the box only to find there are no instructions whatsoever. They will then have to decide how to ‘play’ the game, what the pieces are for, where they start on the board and so on.
This will result in a number of arguments, which will spiral off into side-arguments, one of which will be who left the toilet seat up and another, who ate the last chocolate biscuit.
At some point, however, one of the players will work out that to win the game they must ‘Invoke Article 50’. The first player to Invoke Article 50 then becomes ‘Prime Minister’ and must try to see Brexit through to the end.
The other players must try to thwart them, using any means (fair and foul) possible. However, as an added layer of intrigue, players can also decide to support the PM, in which case they become a sort of foot soldier, whose loyalty is tied to the former. Or is it? Subterfuge will be a huge part of the game, so it will never be quite clear who is supporting who.
Players will also quickly discover that Brexit: The Bored Game is one of those games which can go on indefinitely. Anyone remember playing Monopoly for days on end in their youth? Well, Brexit: The Bored Game knocks that into a corner.
Players will have to advance on a board toward Brexit at the centre. If the PM or one of her cronies ever manages to get there (they never will), they have to shout, “Brexit!” in a jovial/running-through-a-cornfield kind of a way and the game is over.
If one of the others stops them, they must bellow: “No Deal!” and the game must carry on. Players will be able to ‘smear’ their opponents by employing journalists to investigate them, invoke arcane laws to vex their compadres and generally be a right old pain in the Donald. There will be wildcards, including The Ghost of Tony Blair, which will wander in unannounced and throw a dead cat on the floor.
So, watch this space for Brexit: The Bored Game... will EU win?