Christmas divorce: Yorkshire lawyer pioneers a pain-free way forward

The first working Monday in January typically sees an increase in married couples making appointments with their local solicitor after a fraught festive season.

The inevitable pain and sadness can impact massively on all parties, particularly on children. But one Yorkshire legal expert is advocating a way that can minimise the upset for all.

Sarah Smith, a leading family lawyer and mediator with Harrogate-based Berwins Solicitors, has been supporting separating couples for more than 20 years, and says that there is a different path which can make it easier.

As one Yorkshire’s preeminent collaborative family law practitioner, she helps couples to resolve their issues without court proceedings or unnecessary conflict, providing a service that meets clients’ needs quickly, economically and ideally with the minimal impact on those involved.

She says that it’s perfectly normal and understandable for couples to have plenty of questions about the process of parting.

“This is where collaborative divorce and mediation really come into their own: you can talk about the things that are on your mind and make sure that, whatever happens, we keep focus on the things that are important to you,” explains Sarah, who regularly handles disputes concerning children, including jurisdiction issues, pre-nuptial and cohabitation agreements, as well as relationship breakdowns for un-married couples and same sex relationships.

“There are no stupid questions. ‘What about the dog?’, ‘How do we sort Christmas presents?’ ‘Can we both still go to parents’ evenings?’. . . if it’s important to you, it’s important that we resolve it.”

Two vital documents help the collaborative process: a participation agreement and an anchor statement. The participation agreement is similar to a contract that sets out the process itself, making it clear the couple and their respective lawyers (and counsellors and financial advisor, if necessary) will work together to creatively find solutions that work for all. All those involved sign up to it to ensure everyone is following the same path.

The anchor statement gives each party the opportunity to say what is important to them, what they want to achieve and avoid during the separation. “These can be incredibly powerful. They help provide focus on where you do have common ground, rather than the differences between you,” adds Sarah. “Future hopes remind you that your shared history is still important and there are times when your futures may coincide. If you have children together, don’t you still want to be the parents who can both go to the wedding?”

Once the agreements are signed and the statements are shared, it’s time to find solutions together – and she stresses that it’s important to be honest and keep an open mind.

“Divorce is up there with the top most stressful things you can do so don’t underestimate what you are going through and the effect on you,” she explains. “But there is light at the end of that tunnel. It might currently seem like a very distant glimmer. Go at your own pace and arm yourself with the right people to help you on the way, and you can get from where you are now to a place you want to be.”

For help and advice on family law matters, call Berwins on 01423 509000 or visit their website.