Caroline Verdon: One of those '˜I can't belive I did that' moments

It will be quiet. There will be no one wanting anything of you. Bliss right? To make it even better I’d made a lemon drizzle cake the day before and was really looking forward to enjoying a slice of it with a cuppa in the the cold hard silence.

As I sat on the sofa in the lounge with my tea I wallowed in the fact that you could hear a pin drop and a smile broke out across my face as I sunk my teeth into my cake. Only that smile was short lived as it was suddenly very obvious that I hadn’t been paying attention when baking the cake and had used salt instead of sugar.

It was disgusting. It tasted how I imagine a dishwasher tablet would taste and we all know that is something that should never go anywhere near your mouth. The thing is, I don’t even know how I did it. The salt and sugar are kept in different cupboards. They’re labelled. I rechecked and they were in the right places, this wasn’t a prank this was just me being a wally.

Something that never really comes as any real surprise as I’m constantly doing silly things. I’ve put eye drops into my husband’s eyes only to find out (when the screaming started) that they were infact ear drops. I’ve chipped my ankle bone getting out of the shower and then chipped it again six weeks later when I explained to a friend exactly how I’d done it. I’ve even (and I’m not sure I’ve admitted this anyone) thought there was a problem with my car when leaving work and got a car-minded colleague to look at it for me only to find out the actual problem was that I hadn’t turned the keys in the ignition…but it turns out I’m not the only one who suffers with “I can’t believe I did that” moments

Julie in Morley called the show to say she has done far worse. She was over in Bradford and parked in the multistorey near the magistrates’ court: “I parked on level five, got into the lift and went to work but when I came back my car was nowhere to be seen. I searched all over and eventually went to tell security that it had been stolen. He came up to level five with me and helped me looked and he couldn’t see it either. He then asked me if I was absolutely sure I’d parked on level five and I told him I definitely had as I remembered seeing the five sign when I got into the lift. He then pointed to that wall and said “what this sign? That’s the speed limit”.

Argh! Hideous. He also spent the next hour searching all the levels of the car park with her to find where she’d actually parked. Just excruciating.

Neil in Wakefield called us with his “I don’t believe it” moment that was definitely less mentally and more physically painful as it resulted in him getting third degree burns: “We had a kitten that one rainy evening had managed to get out of the house. I rushed outside to look for it but as it was dark I asked my wife to pass me a lamp that had a really long lead. She passed one out and it was one where I’d extended the cable length myself. As I stood there in the rain, with my hand clamped around the join of my handywork funnily enough I got a massive electric shock.”

And that is why I leave all things electric up to electricians! Another thing I never ever do is eat food off the floor. It seems like a pretty standard rule and yet sometimes people do get caught out – Caroline Rock sent us a Facebook message telling us how her son had been eating chocolate chip cookies in the lounge when she spied a chocolate chip he’d dropped so she picked it up and popped it in her mouth only to discover it wasn’t a chocolate chip afterall. It was a piece of poo from their house rabbit. There’s not enough mouthwash in the world!

The workplace isn’t for pranks

The workplace is for work. Not for pranks.

This was the advice I was given after nearly giving a colleague a heart attack when I jumped out at them at 4 in the morning from inside a coffin that was being used as a coffee table. It was good advice, but sometimes I just can’t resist the opportunity. I think it’s because I am super jumpy and people are always jumping out at me to make me scream – Ant has a full video of at least a dozen times he’s hidden under desks, jumped out from behind doors or on one occasion jumped out at me from behind a bush. Sometimes you just need to get your own back.

We’re not the only ones who enjoy a the office jokes. Paul in Holbeck called us with the ultimate workplace prank. He used to be in the RAF and remembers one day after a long days flying when he was in a car driving back to the office with his boss and a 16 year old new recruit: “The boss looked up in the air and said ‘Oh no, they’ve done it again. Air traffic control have left the windsock on. That electricity bill is going to be huge’.

He then asked the new recruit to call them when they got back to let them know and remind them to turn it off. The new recruit went into the office and made the call with every else outside pressing their ears up against the door trying to listen. After he spoke to them he came out, found the boss and said “they said they were aware but they’re still using it for the next couple of hours”. To this day no one knows if the new recruit pranked the boss back or if air traffic control simply played along.

Cooking up a hipster tea

A restaurant menu from California has been doing the rounds on Twitter this week because it’s serving ‘deconstructed avocado toast bowls’…or salad to you and I.

People are up in arms at how millennial hipsters are overtaking the restaurant trade by giving everything pretentious names. I’m up in arms at how much you can charge for something just by making it sound fancy – salad is about £5 but it’s an easy £12 if you ‘deconstruct’ it. This week when I’m cooking up tea I’ve decided to jump on the bandwagon and hipster up the menu. I shall be serving protein balls on wheat pillows (beans on toast) phalanges of fish in between snowy clouds (fish finger sarnie on white) or for a real treat I’ll be knocking up a British twist on a Japanese classic – stretched unleavened dough served in a poultry jus (otherwise known as a chicken pot noodle).

Caroline Verdon is one half of the breakfast show on Radio Aire. You can hear Caroline and Ant between 6-10am every weekday morning.