"What reason do I have to get up?" - truth about life behind the closed doors of a coronavirus shielder

Some will rejoice and prepare for that first pint, others might book a much needed hair-cut, others might get out the travel brochures.

For many, there will be no change and they won't suddenly be hitting the high streets - they are confused and terrified. They are scared of people, have forgotten how to drive a car and haven't set foot in a supermarket for months.

For those classed as clinically extremely vulnerable groups and sent medical warnings to stay at home - literally to save their own lives - they say there has been a lack of updates throughout the pandemic.

However, last night the health secretary, Matt Hancock, said that from July 6 those shielding from coronavirus can gather in groups of up to six people outdoors and form a ‘support bubble’ with another household.

But for some, the anxiety has now become too deep-rooted.

Connie Cluderay, aged 68 has been shielding at her home in Cookridge since March 16 after being instructed to by her GP. Despite having rheumatoid arthritis and bronchiectasis, she has gone from being an active woman who would visit the gym three times a week, doing voluntary work with older people and attending various groups she sits on to having only left the house three times in as many months.

The prospect of it terrifies her she admits to the Yorkshire Evening Post.

"It is good news and great that we can meet with people going forward. I feel a bit more upbeat but will be taking it cautiously and won't be running off to the shops until at least August and then I will be careful about when and where.

"I always considered myself, mentally to be a very strong person, but it has affected me mentally more than physically. I am at the point where, when this is all over, I don't know if I will be able to go back to what I did before. I am so afraid to go out.

"From being part of a collective to being told not to mix is scary. You start to behave in a very different way and think in a very different way. I am angry about a lot of things. When I see protests and rallies, while I agree with why they are doing it, it is making my life harder. I get resentful and that is not the kind of person that I am."

Institutionalised

Mrs Cluderay, who worked in childcare and social work, says she is not interested in going to shops or pubs with them re-opening. She just misses her family and friends.

"It is a long, long time and in a sense becoming institutionalised. I don't know how to deal with what is going on in the rest of the world. The best way I can make sense of it is I feel like I am in prison for a crime I didn't commit. I have been given a sentence but I have not done anything wrong other than have health conditions that don't normally stop me."

From Saturday August 1, the guidance will then be relaxed so clinically extremely vulnerable people will no longer be advised to shield, but support will remain available from NHS volunteers and local councils. People will retain their priority for supermarket delivery slots, and still be able to access help with shopping, medication, phone calls and transport to medical appointments.

Keisha Meek started a support group for shielders in Leeds and has almost 6,000 members but some days is so down she can't even bring herself to reply to messages. The project manager was working from home as of mid-March, but then the project she was working on got cancelled and the work has dried up. She has a rare form of endometriosis which is on the lungs and she has had pneumonia five times since Christmas. Despite x-rays, tests and samples being taken doctors are still trying to find a solution so she is currently classed as "extremely vulnerable".

A day at home

She reveals what her typical day inside involves and her fears for stepping over the doorstep.

"I try and get up early when my partner goes to work so when I go back I can still get up. But I have got no motivation. What reason do I have to get up? I find myself turning on the laptop hoping someone sends me some work - but nobody does. I think they think because I am shielding they don't want to put on me. I am trying to do some exam revision for work, but it feels like I have got no purpose.

"So I do a work out every day, I have got a personal trainer to get fitter. It cheers me up and gives me energy. But what do I need the energy for? Foodwise I have a set plan around the time I will eat breakfast and dinner. But by 1pm I am set here twiddling my thumbs just waiting for the day to get later."

It is a far contrast from her pre-lockdown life which included working at her Bradford office or flights to meetings in Amsterdam. Outside work she had a busy social circle with family and friends and her young nephews and going shopping.

"I used to go to Lidl or Asda. I have a priority delivery slot but have moved to Tesco because the one before sent meat that had gone off. It is an eight hour window and I just have to wait. I don't like to ring family or friends because they are going through a lot so feel awkward ringing to talk about it."

Even when her partner Owen returns from work as a joiner, the shielding "rules" are having an impact on their relationship.

Ms Meek explains: "We are not allowed near each other, I have to try and stay away from him as much as I can. We don't have a spare bedroom so we bought an airbed, we both tried to sleep on it but can't. I was in pain so it is just no good. It seems we are supposed to have separate bathrooms but we only have one and are supposed to clean it after every time we use it but sometimes you forget. We are supposed to eat in separate rooms but it is a terraced house - it is a nightmare. It is difficult for him too as he is paranoid."

Ms Meek says the whole lockdown process has taken its toll on her mental health and she is anxious about returning to normal daily tasks like shopping or driving.

Safe after lockdown?

She added: "The first time I drove my car to go to hospital I was just sat there thinking 'what do I do'. Even if they lifted the restrictions I definitely wouldn't feel safe. I have seen on social media people that I know having parties in their house, you have seen people not social distancing at different things. I don't just mean protests, but supermarkets and beaches from what I have seen. The majority of people are not doing it and I don't feel safe at all. I have become scared of people."

As the announcements about the next steps for shielders was announced, Mr Hancock added: "I want to thank all those who have been shielding for so many weeks for their commitment to the shielding programme. I know this has been incredibly tough.

"Shielding has involved not leaving your house for months, not seeing people you care about, not being able to wander to the park for some fresh air, or even pop to the shops for something you need. This sacrifice has been for a purpose, and I want to thank every single one of you. We knew it was a difficult ask, but these measures have been vital in saving lives."