Now that Blue Monday is out of the way, we can start looking forward to more important things, like what’s coming up on TV, what’s happening to Donald Trump’s hair and a good old fashioned showbiz row
The firm blamed for putting highly disorganised, overpriced (but still rather quaint) pokey little book shops run by doddery old men out of business now wants to do the same to the postal service.
It is developing drones to deliver packages ordered from the interweb in just 30 minutes. You’ll barely have time to close the laptop, tell everyone what you’ve just done on facebook, twitter, instagram and snapchat and do some pilates before the package arrives, dropped diligently by a buzzing plastic thing. Imagine ordering Skyfall from Amazon and a drone dropping it from the sky... What fun.
You’ve got to give it to the Americans, they certainly know how to blur the lines between reality and fiction. The whole country lives in this kind of Dirty Harry world dominated by guns and morals and an unhealthy obsession with ‘me, me, me.’ The fact they elect film actors (Reagan, Schwarzenegger, etc) as leaders tells you a lot. Which brings us to Mr Trump, an accidental billionaire who seems to have about as much business sense as butter. Still, he (and his hair) are highly entertaining - he’ll be around until November 8, when elections take place.
(So expect more rain)
Weathercasters are a bit like the soothsayers of old in that they don’t really get much right and most people just ignore what they’re saying and look out of the window instead.
Crystal ball gazing and weather just do not mix. Still, that doesn’t stop them procrastinating. Post April, you can expect to see predictions in the press for the ‘hottesst summer ever’ with headlines like ‘Sizzler’ and ‘Scorcher’. Wow, that’s poweful. And someone (lots of people actually), will shout “global warming”.
Probably, though, it will just rain a lot.
Low interest rates
Woooohoooo! Did you see that last week? The snub, I mean. About a week or so ago, we had earnest George (Osborne) on, trying to look all prime -ministerial, telling us in his calmest voice interest that rates may have to go up pretty darn quick and that we’d all have to get used to that.
Financial experts (especially those on the BBC, which no longer includes Robert Peston, wet themselves a number of times). Then, in what translates roughly as a Mike Tyson upper cut, governor of the Bank of England Mark Carney, said that interest rates would be staying right where they were... Fight!
The truth is still out there
It was innevitable Mully and Scully would return. The 90s show, which had more loose ends than a bowl of spaghetti is set to hit screens (Channel 5 no less) in February.
We can barely contain ourselves at the prospect of watching Mully and Scully (sorry, FBI agents Mulder (David Duchovny) and Scully (Gillian Anderson) crackle with chemistry as they reunite after two decades. Oh, just think of all the eye acting they’ll be doing. Expect the usual gamut of aliens, mutilated cattle and so on but the big question is: will the man with the cigarette now have a vape?
Oh, America, you silly billy. It’s only gone and made a right old hash of its biggest night out of the year by absent-mindedly forgetting to include any black actors in the Oscars nominations list.
This, understandably, has upset quite a few people, including Will Smith, who, incidentally, is mid-comeback. Some are boycotting the event entirely. Even host Chris Rock in a fix, amid calls for him to resign the job. In the long run, the row (seen as being indicative of a wider malaise) could end up being productive, in that it will bring about change. Until then, people will be treading very carefully.