But in the name of all things good and holy, what have we done to deserve the disaster dished up on our tellies by the Beeb every November?

There were times last Friday night when I watched with one clenched fist in my mouth and the other grabbing a cushion just so I had something to hide behind.

Its cringe-inducing awfulness gets more pronounced every year.

Believe it or not, as a kid I used to actually look forward to Children in Need night. But that was when Terry Wogan still had enough energy to muster something more original than asking the act that's just finished plugging their latest single to read out the number for donations.

In fact, the whole thing has become little more than a thinly-veiled marketing opportunity to flog records or try to put bums on seats for ropey-sounding musicals.

Legally Blonde starring Duncan James from Blue and that lass from Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps anyone? Nope, didn't think so.

Still, at least David Gray and Annie Lennox have pledged to give proceeds from their duet to the cause. That's at least another couple of hundred quid then.

As usual, and in keeping with a tradition harking back to those pre-Natasha Kaplinsky days when the idea of serious newsreaders doing something silly still had milegage, we were once again 'treated' to a performance from the BBC's news team.

These shrinking violets clearly hated every minute of their three minutes (or was it three hours?) alongside Britain's Got Talent dance troupe Diversity.

But this hamfisted horror show of middle-aged gyrating was neither fun nor entertaining. In the embarrassment stakes it was up there with watching your dad launch into a striptease at a family funeral.

As the night wore on, Wogan and co-host Tess Daly increasingly had a distinct touch of Mick Fleetwood and Sam Fox at the Brits about them.

When they weren't busy talking over each other they were fluffing their lines or struggling to fill time waiting for the next item to appear and save them – and us – from their inane waffle.

It got to the point where I was hoping Jon Culshaw and Debra Stephenson would stay put when they turned up doing impressions of them. At least these two seemed to have actually learned and rehearsed a few lines – even if Culshaw's 'Wogan' did sound Welsh rather than Irish.

But do you want to know when I really knew the game was up?

It was the moment the Missus turned to me and said, 'This really isn't very good, is it?'

And this is a woman who enjoys the Eurovision Song Contest for goodness sake.