Top 20 modern Christmas jokes to crack-er you up

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It was no laughing matter for millions, but the result of the EU referendum at least bought some cheer to amateur joke writer Laura McDon.

She won TV comedy channel Gold’s competition to find the nation’s best new festive joke.

Here are the top 20 entries:

* How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels.

* What do workers at Sports Direct get for Christmas dinner? About 5 minutes.

* How do you recognise a Christmas tree from BHS? All the branches have gone.

* I bought my mum Mary Berry’s cookbook for Christmas, I tried to get Paul Hollywood’s but he’d sold out.

* What’s David Cameron’s favourite Christmas song? All I Want For Christmas is EU.

* Why has Hillary Clinton asked Santa for a 23-letter alphabet? Because she is sick of F.B.I.

* Why didn’t Roy Hodgson go to visit Santa at the North Pole? He couldn’t get past Iceland.

* Why are Jeremy Corbyn’s Christmas cards on the floor? His cabinet collapsed.

* Philip looks out of the window on Christmas Eve: ‘That’s some reindeer’ he says. The Queen replies: ‘63 years. Yes, that is a lot.’

* What’s the difference between the clementine in your Christmas stocking and Donald Trump? Nothing, they’re both a little orange.

* What do you get if you cross Donald Trump with a Christmas Carol? O Comb Over Ye Faithful.

* What’s the best advice you can give at the Ukip Christmas party? Avoid the punch.

* Why did the three wise men only have frankincense and myrrh? Because Team GB took all the gold.

* Which parent is likely to do the Christmas shop at Tesco this year? Dad might, Marmite not.

* Why can’t the England football team play Yahtzee this Christmas? Because they got rid of Allardyce.

* I can’t get to the chocolates in my advent calendar. Foiled again.

* Why is Bob Dylan’s sleigh so quiet? Because it has Nobel.

* Why is everyone filing for divorce and custody of the kids this Christmas? Tis the season to be Jolie.

* Who might be cooking Christmas dinner at Number 10 this year? Theresa May.

* Why can’t Mary Berry eat turkey sandwiches? Paul Hollywood took all the bread.

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