I love being a mum and wouldn’t change it for the world but there are tough times and I recently had one of those weeks when I felt like I just wanted to run away from everything.
At four years old my little girl is more like a 14 and although my hubby Chris and I laugh a lot at the stuff she comes out with it, just lately she has become increasingly difficult to deal with.
Last week we had some time away in Wales where we made lots of special memories but not a day went by where we didn’t endure a meltdown or two from our daughter. She has become very argumentative of late and if you say white she will say black, if you tell her not to do something she will do it!
Although I was by the sea in a peaceful, tranquil environment I could feel the strain it was putting on my relationship with my husband. When we had a rare moment to ourselves we started to talk about how just sometimes we miss our times, just us spending some romantic time together.
Chris turns 50 next July and originally had wanted a big party to celebrate that I’ve already started planning. I was totally taken aback when he told me he’d changed his mind. He said: “I’d like to take you to New York next year early December for four days, just us two”.
New York is our city, it was the first holiday we had together and back then when we were childfree with a disposable income we would go every year. It is also the city where Chris proposed on the top of the Empire State building one night just before Christmas.
I started to feel all this excitement and guilt for feeling happy about the prospect. We spent the next 15 minutes talking about how we go about asking my brother and Nana Jean if they could stay at ours and look after Ava-Lilly and a baby who will be nearly one by then. Chris and I have never been away from our daughter for more than one night and in the past we’ve felt uncomfortable with the idea of having a mini break without her, is it really ok to do this? Does it make me a bad mum? Then something happened which made me realise I could and we absolutely should go away together, just us two. On the Saturday after we had arrived home from Wales I didn’t have time to think as we shot straight off to one of Ava-Lilly’s friend’s birthday parties. I was exhausted and after standing in the heat for nearly three hours watching kids go crazy I was more than ready to go home and put my feet up. As the majority of mums started to leave with their kids, peacefully of course, my little darling decided to kick up a big fuss and refused to put her shoes on.
What with being 24 weeks pregnant and being weighted down by birthday cake, a party bag, and goodness knows what else I was in no mood to carry her. Ten minutes later and we are still in the same spot arguing over her insistence to stay bare footed. I ended up getting really cross and after losing it with her she finally conceded and popped her shoes on. Once I got home I burst into tears, I just couldn’t cope with her shouting at me and being difficult anymore and I felt like crumbling into a heap on the floor. Sometimes being a parent feels like the most unrewarding job ever because young children are just too young to appreciate everything you do for them. They are your number one and you put yourself last, that’s just the way it is from the day they are born. I realised it was okay to feel down about being a parent sometimes and it’s okay to want to leave the country sometimes as well! So it’s a yes to New York although I’m sure I will still feel guilty about it once it’s booked.So now all I have to do is ask my brother if he will be babysitter for four days next December so I can sip a few cocktails and walk around the Big Apple carefree holding my man’s hand and hopefully feeling young again. Keep your fingers crossed for me that he says yes, my sanity depends on it.
Time for the maternity wear
I’m nearly 25 weeks pregnant now and everything is getting a lot larger.
Whilst my hubby is very careful about how he refers to my ever expanding body my Nana Jean is not so subtle telling me my bottom is the largest she’s ever seen it, thanks for that! Until recently I’ve still been squeezing into my normal sized clothes and pants but that has definitely come to an end. It’s time to embrace the elasticated fashion, so I’ve treated myself to a few new bits from H&M maternity, which offers a gorgeous range of stylish maternity wear. I’m not that impressed with the choices for pregnant women in the fashion scene, most of it is online and some of it is really expensive.
H&M, Asos, New Look and Topshop do have some great finds, it’s just a shame the maternity sections aren’t in stores, I love actually going into a shop and trying outfits on. My chest has also grown massively taking me up to a double F - I don’t think I’ve ever been that cup size in my life! This week I visited Bravissimo to purchase some new bras and underwear, it’s fab in there and the underwear lasts forever. I think by time Baby two arrives I will have gained three stone but I’m okay with that. I am a completely different size to when I was carrying my daughter. I had a neat little bump but with my son I’m coming out at the sides!
Some days I feel massive but I’m embracing my new body and enjoying it, and with my new maternity wardrobe I can still look stylish even if my bottom is the largest it’s ever been!
Welcome back to Strictly
One of the things I love about September is that TV gets better again.
It’s so rubbish during the summer months. I’m a massive Strictly fan and I can’t wait for this Saturday when it’s back on our television screens. This year I’m a backing the gorgeous actress and radio presenter Gemma Atkinson. Gemma played Carly Hope in Emmerdale until recently and now works for my husband as a breakfast presenter. She is a gorgeous woman inside and out and is so down to earth despite everything she has achieved.I can’t wait to watch her all dressed up in sequins and twirling across the dance floor and being one of the bookies favorites to win I think she is a strong contender to lift the Strictly trophy this year. Gemma’s admitted the show is something she has always wanted to do. I’m hoping she gets paired with the very dashing Aljaz. He’s also a previous champion after lifting the trophy a few years back with the model Abby Clancy. I think him and Gemma would be great together on the dance floor.