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The Bloke: Gordon Brown's gone up in my estimation
I have to say that Gordon Brown's gone up in my estimation.
There I was, thinking he was a shoo-in for the title of Britain's most blunder-prone PM of all time, destined to go down in history as the man who managed to fumble the ball, albeit after a bit of a hospital pass from his one-time mate Tony, and wave the Tories back in.
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But then, as the embarrassments continued to pile up and the 11-point gap in the opinion polls kept narrowing, I suddenly realised what he was up to.
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Far from being a hapless, bumbling – and allegedly bullying – buffoon, Gordon is a genius of Rainman-like proportions.
Twigging he was doomed if he'd continued to bash away at being Prime Minister like a roomful of monkeys trying to hammer out Hamlet on typewriters, he chose another tack.
Inspired, I'd like to think, by Frank Spencer in Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em, he realised the way to win a place in the nation's heart was to turn himself into a figure of ridicule, thus eliciting those all-important sympathy votes that will help him pull off the greatest escape since Steve McQueen nicked that Nazi's motorbike.
Gordon gets called a 'one-eyed Scottish idiot' by Jeremy Clarkson?
The poor lad, he can't help it.
Gordon gets a dead soldier's name wrong in the condolence letter to his mum?
Bless him, at least he tried.
Gordon gets called a bully by his own staff who clearly, like most of his party, want him out?
They're just ganging up on him.
See how it works? And the astonishing thing is that it actually is working.
The Tories' lead in the opinion polls has shrunk to just seven points and their support has crumbled to its lowest point for nearly two years.
I'm just waiting for the next revelations to come out of Downing Street, which should ensure we're all feeling so sorry for Gordon by the time we get to the general election that he can cancel the removal men.
Get ready for exclusives about Sarah Brown cancelling Sky Sports so Gordon can't watch the Scottish footy and the revelation that Peter Mandelson keeps saying nasty things about him behind his back.
But if Gord is really going to complete his Houdini-like escape and seal that second term it's not good enough to have us just feeling sorry for him, he needs to make us start feeling sorry for ourselves as well.
I reckon reminding us that if we get rid of him we'll be stuck staring at David Cameron's smug mug for the next four years should just about do it.
****
The late, great Paul Newman once answered a question about the secret behind his fidelity to wife Joanne by pondering, 'Why have a burger when you've got steak at home?'.
It's a saying Tiger Woods, Ashley Cole and John Terry might have done well to heed, given the recent wave of revelations concerning their alleged naughties.
Although after a quick glance at the conquests this unholy trinity are said to clocked up, I'm not altogether sure the burger analogy is entirely appropriate.
To my way of thinking it looks like Tiger, Cashley and JT were more than happy to settle for a dodgy doner kebab.
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Sunday 12 February 2012
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