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The Bloke: Golf addiction
Just between you and me I'm starting to worry that my addiction is getting out of hand.
I blame my dad for getting me hooked, at an age when I was too young and naive to realise what a grip it can take on your life.
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Before I knew it I was driving out to the middle of nowhere and handing over money to get one more hit. But even then it never seemed enough and I was always wanting more.
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"I think you're starting to get a bit obsessed," said the Missus finally, watching me as I stood at the bathroom sink scrubbing the dirt out of the grooves of my golf clubs with her nailbrush.
"Hold on, is that my nailbrush?"
To be honest the signs that my golf addiction was spiralling helplessly out of control have been there for some time.
It was there in the constant practice swings using anything that came to hand – umbrella, garden cane, the walking stick of the old man who lives next door – and the relentless checking and re-checking in front of the bedroom mirror.
Before I knew it I was soaking my golf balls overnight to get the grass stains off them and trying to distract the Missus long enough to sneak my muddy golf towel into the wash.
In keeping with that age-old sporting motto 'All the gear, no idea', I forked out a fortune on all the kit and snapped up all sorts of new-fangled training aids that promised they would help me hit that annoying little white ball a little bit longer and quite a lot straighter.
And I've had to extend my overdraft just to afford all the instruction magazines that have only succeeded in leaving me tied up in knots.
The result? I'm now playing worse than I ever did before.
This was reinforced to me the other week when I played the local course with my mates Phil and Pete.
"Ah, I remember shooting 81 here last year," I recalled wistfully, hoping it would instill enough psychological confidence to help me repeat the feat.
"Er, that was four years ago," said Pete.
"Was it?" I asked, face dropping faster than the ball off a thinned seven-iron.
"No, it wasn't," said Phil, giving me hope. "I'm pretty sure it was five years ago."
So why is this continued failure such a cause for sleepless nights?
Looming large on the horizon is a week away with my family, which includes the annual golf showdown with my dad.
My dad who, proving age offers no immunity to the game's drug-like qualities, has just splurged his pension on a new set of clubs and reports they're doing wonders for his game.
Luckily for me, it's his birthday this weekend. My present? A giant golf instruction book complete with unnecessarily complicated pictures and diagrams that would baffle Einstein.
That ought to do the trick.
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Weather for Leeds
Thursday 24 May 2012
Today
Cloudy
Temperature: 10 C to 23 C
Wind Speed: 12 mph
Wind direction: North east
Tomorrow
Sunny
Temperature: 9 C to 21 C
Wind Speed: 16 mph
Wind direction: East
