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Oliver Cross: Flirty Kirsty
LAST week on Desert Island Discs I think I got an insight into the personality of Kirsty Young, the programme's charming and poised presenter who I would have fallen in love with if I wasn't already pledged to Mariella Frostrup.
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Kirsty was interviewing Jerry Springer, who was very good value and at one stage told a mildly amusing, very ordinary story which I can't now remember.
I do, though, remember Kirsty responding to it by laughing like hyenas are supposed to do and office creeps actually do when the boss attempts a joke.
This is not a thing I'd heard Kirsty do before. Her radio tone is mature, restrained and in-control (though not in a freaky way) and you don't expect her to start screeching like a schoolgirl on Lambrini.
I think what she was doing, despite all that poise and experience, was flirting, and one of the downsides of flirting is that you find yourself laughing too loudly at the flirtee's lightest remarks and embarrass yourself .
(Incidentally, well-intentioned people also tend to laugh too loudly at jokes told by old people. This is patronising and dignity-sapping, although I'm rather looking forward to being on the receiving end of it myself).
But the point is, Kirsty love, that there's nothing wrong with flirting – don't be too hard on yourself.
Actually, I think all successful presenters of Desert Island Discs are flirts because the point is to let the guests relax and speak openly, and a little bit of flirting or flattery is a very good lubricant.
And what's the difference between flirting and flattery? Well, flattery is by definition insincere and, over-done, can make you nauseous; proper flirting is always sweet and charming.
And what's proper flirting? Most importantly, it's not primarily sexual. Proper flirts just enjoy the fun and the challenge of bringing out the best in other people; confining your charms to potential sexual conquests isn't flirtation, it's lechery.
Kirsty Young is a proper flirt. I don't think she can help it; it doesn't matter what age or gender the guests are, she wants to see them enjoying themselves. Flirting, even with its side-effect of alarmingly loud laughter, really is a noble calling, Go, Kirsty, go.
Exclusive
And while we're here, I've got a Desert Island Discs showbiz exclusive from my friend Keith, who worked years ago in the record library of the BBC, which he says smelled deliciously of plastic and paper covers rather than electrons or whatever cyberspace is made of.
One of his tasks was to find the usual eight records for Desert Island Discs, except that he had to find 12, because at a late stage in the programme-making, guests were often still wavering and having four disposables gave them some leeway in making their final decision. I think this is rather charming, or (which is the same thing) thoughtful.
Keith also located the records for Humphrey Lyttleton's classic and absolutely filthy BBC4 programme I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. Initially, he was flattered because the producers promised that the he and his fellow librarians would be given a mention in the show.
Imagine his disappointment when it turned out that all that meant was that they would be made the butt of a joke involving the programme's sexy but morally slack scorer, Samantha.
Unprintable
Most of these, although broadcast at primetime on eminently respectable Radio 4, are unprintable in a family newspaper, but I'll see if the editor will let me get away with these:
"As usual, Samantha has been down in the gramaphone library researching the teams' records, aided and abetted by the two kindly old archivists, Curly Smith and Chalky White. Samantha was saying she's been helping them rearrange their work rosters recently. Chalky was getting a bit worried that Samantha might reduce his overtime shift, but cheered up when instead he saw her shorten Curly's."
"Record researcher Samantha has been doing her regular stint down in the gramaphone library, where she tells me the two old archivists have been getting a little fractious of late. They've been at each other's throats about which of them will represent the archive in judging the BBC's Most Shapely Legs competition. To quieten things down, Samantha had to keep them apart all morning."
You can't hear Nutt for the morons
FOR once, I'm ahead in the Controversy of the Week stakes because I found it very it very easy to take an instant view about the Home Secretary's sacking of Prof David Nutt as the government's chief drugs advisor.
There are rather arcane arguments about the roles of advisors and ministers, but the furore is not really about that, it's driven by the relationship between drugs, hysteria and truth.
Anything mainstream politicians say about drugs is likely to be unhelpful because of the unspoken rule that drugs cannot be discussed in any sensible or innovative way in case it sends – which is a death sentence to all hopes of creative debate – 'the wrong message'.
So when Prof Nutt, described in several papers as 'the nutty professor' (some journalists are morons), attempted to present his findings on the relative effects of different harmful drugs, the Press and Decent Opinion didn't feel the need to present any counter findings or to analyse Prof Nutt's data; they stuck their fingers in their ears and screamed 'We're not listening'.
As usual the pack was led by Melanie Phillips of the Daily Mail, who found some experts who appeared to disagree with Prof Nutt but, in a very long article, failed to introduce a single illuminating fact or statistic into the debate – which of course she couldn't because while Prof Nutt is a hugely qualified and eminent psychiatrist and pharmacologist who has been researching his field for decades, Melanie Phillips is a controversialist whose job is essentially shouting. So naturally and sadly, everybody's listening to Melanie Phillips .
Incidentally, Melanie Phillips uses that tedious, bullying, right-wing, controversialist tactic of presenting herself as the voice of ordinary people as against the morally slack, elitist voice of the 'chattering classes'.
Prof Nutt (although this is Google, not proper research) has done much valuable work in the field of community medicine but I can't find any evidence that Melanie Phillips has ever done anything much more useful than chattering, loudly.
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Sunday 12 February 2012
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