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Jayne Dawson: The 'just like the other ones' show
Interviews are a nasty business, aren't they? So gruelling, so wearing on the soul.
It's exhausting having to come up with reasons why you are just perfect for that peachy little job, so embarrassing to have to look someone in the eye and tell them that, if you have a fault at all, it is that sometimes you can care just a little bit too much.
But there is no point railing against life, fate and the unjust society that inflicts such horrors upon us. Interviews are just one of those traumatic events we have to go through, like driving tests, or being picked on in class to read out loud, or catching one foot in our trouser leg as we stand, causing us to lose our balance in a catastrophic manner, ultimately resulting within a very short space of time in us disappearing under our office desk with a small but sharp squeak of surprise, and having to be pulled out by our colleagues... what do you mean that's just me?
Anyway, the point is, there isn't much to be done about that except to say that it is best to tread cautiously when wearing wide-legged trousers and high pointy shoes. In fact, you might as well just throw yourself over a cliff first thing and be done with it, because a day that combines wide trousers and high pointy shoes is going to end in disaster eventually.
On the interview front though there has been a development. It now appears that there is a newly acceptable answer when faced with the inevitable question: "Why are you perfect for this peachy little job we have up for grabs here".
And this is an answer that does not require you to reach right down to the bottom of your soul and dredge up every last one of your many talents.
It is an answer that does not need you to use phrases like "right skill set" or "transferable skills" or even "I've got ever such a lot of skills".
Because apparently now, when faced with this huge, elephant of a heavyweight question, it is OK to say you are just perfect for the peach of a job because... you look exactly like the person who used to do it.
Trust me, it works. It must do because that's what has happened on one of the biggest shows on television.
The One Show is probably the BBC's flagship programme right now, held in affection by millions of us for its mix of silly news stories, celebrity guests and fun atmosphere.
It began shakily four years ago with Adrian Chiles and Nadia Sawalha, picked up a little bit when Adrian was paired with Myleene Klass, and became TV gold when Christine Bleakley took over the female slot.
Adrian and Christine were a perfect pairing. He was grumpy, in other words he was a symbolic representation of Everyman; and she was giggly, in other words a symbolic representation of Everyman's idea of the perfect woman.
Plus, she was a looker, he wasn't; he was witty, she wasn't. It worked, it just plain worked.
Then, oh woe, oh misery, Adrian went into a massive strop just because he was being kicked out of the Friday show to make way for Chris Evans, and Christine followed, having proved to the world that though she wasn't witty she knew that a salary of seven figures was better than a salary of six figures.
The shock, the chagrin, the banging of foreheads on BBC desks must have been something to behold once they realised their perfect pair had fled to a new sofa – but then someone, clearly, had a eureka moment.
You can imagine the scene: deep in the heart of Brodcasting House, executives are running around an Important Office, their arms flapping in panic as they ricochet off the water cooler and into the plate of biscuits.
Suddenly, one of them stops running. A lightbulb switches on above their head: "I know, let's employ people who look exactly like them – the viewers will never notice they've gone."
And so it came to pass. This week Jason Manford and Alex Jones took over The One Show sofa. Jason is Adrian, only made younger and more cheerful. Most importantly, he has the outline of Adrian – round face, chunky body. He fills the same sort of Adrian-shaped space sitting on the sofa there, especially if you let your eyes go just a little bit out of focus.
With Alex, no such soft-focus techniques are necessary. Alex is Christine. Put Alex under a microscope and she would still be Christine. The olive-skinned, shiny-eyed, hugely smiling similarity is really quite startling. Only the nerves mark them out as different from the previous twosome so far, but give them a couple of weeks and the metamorphosis will be complete
So, what's good enough for The One Show is good enough for the rest of us. Next time you're after a job, do your research. Find out what the person before you looked like, make the necessary alterations and then, when asked the vital question, you can boldly state your case: "I am perfect for this job because I am the absolute spit of the person who did it before."
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Thursday 24 May 2012
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