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Jayne Dawson:Christmas unwrapped
Maybe now, now that you are surrounded by the remains of another Christmas, is the time to give a thought to your seasonal style.
It makes sense, you know. Not for another twelve months will you be given such an opportunity to stare your festivities full in the face.
This week, you can size up the decorations festooning your house and examine the contents of your fridge and that cupboard in the kitchen designated your Christmas cupboard; you can study the members of your family sprawled along various floors and sofas, and you can form a judgment.
You can decide, once and for all, what category of Christmas experience you are enjoying with your family. And you can decide whether you are happy with that, or whether you want to repostition your family festivities.
Because, though it may not have occurred to you thus far, I am here to tell you that Christmas isn't just a thing, it isn't just an entity, it is very much a style.
Your Christmas, though you may think of it as something you pull out of the loft, will in fact exhibit one of those styles.
And since knowledge is power, now is the perfect time to identify your own particular version.
If you are reading this with an air of bemusement, thinking "what Christmas" and your tree is already back in the loft then you are a follower of the Scrooge Christmas.
Fibre optic
Other clues are if your tree is only twelve inches tall and is of the fibre optic variety, bought for the sole reason that it is the work of seconds to lift it out of its box and plug it in and – voila – Christmas is sorted.
Also, if you have no lights of any kind outside your house, nor even a simple wreath on your front door then – no matter how big-hearted you may believe yourself to be, no matter how much you protest that you are loving and giving and also bonny, blythe and gay – and I do mean that in the old-fashioned sense of the word – you are a Scrooge when it comes to Christmas.
If, on the other hand, you have a bundle of twigs loosely tied with a bit of rope standing in the corner of your high-ceilinged apartment and all covered in soft-glow white LED lights, then you are a follower of the Fashionable Christmas.
Though not that fashionable because twigs are actually very much over now. Today's fashionable Christmas is actually all about feathers.
A variation on the Fashionable Christmas is the calorie-free Christmas. This is the one followed by women who will rave about their love of Christmas while not allowing a single seasonal morsel to pass their lips until Christmas Eve, when they will kick back and enjoy a mince pie after the day's exercise session, although first they will be removing the lid to cut down on fat content. On the day itself they will load their plate with sprouts, with a garnish or turkey, and declare it a feast fit for a king.
But back in the real world, you might very well be looking at a tree that is a symphony of green, red, gold and tartan, and that tree is standing tall and proud in your bay window.
If this is you then you are probably just recovering from an upmarket Christmas. I say "upmarket" because these days we don't like to use the "class" word, but once upon a time your Christmas would have been termed "middle-class".
Disciplined
And I say "recovering from" but you're probably not recovering at all, having enjoyed a disciplined and well-ordered holiday.
A major clue that this is your style will be the time you ate on Christmas Day. If it was anything after 2pm then you are edging towards the upmarket Christmas. If it was anytime after Dr Who then you probably move in aristocratic circles.
Also, if you ate any bird other than a turkey – I'm thinking goose, pheasant, duck, maybe a swan (that last one is a joke, don't even think about it) then you probably ate that meal in a shooting jacket with a pair of green wellies close by.
Another dead giveaway is if you have been for a bracing walk at any stage of the Christmas proceedings, bracing walks being very much a part of the upmarket Christmas.
Clincher
The absolute clincher is the time you opened your Christmas presents – if it was any time after you had been washed and dressed, then you are absolutely, irrevocably upmarket.
If, on the other hand, your skin has taken on a soft, pale indoor pallor on account of you not having breathed outdoor air for a week, if your house is a shiny grotto of empty chocolate wrappers and the television hasn't been turned off since December 18 then you are probably a fan of the downmarket Christmas, once known – whisper it – as the "working class" Christmas.
This is the one where you all congregate in the living room in front of the Christmas cartoons, rip open your pressies while still in your pyjamas, and eat your selection box before breakfast.
This is also the one where your relatives pile through the door before noon, and become fretful if lunch isn't served within the hour.
And that lunch is of course turkey, accompanied by the Top of The Pops Christmas Special, for preference.
If this is you then celebrate – for you have the true spirit of Christmas in your home. Make next year just the same.
The rest of you, make a resolution now to make your future festivities properly downmarket.
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Weather for Leeds
Thursday 24 May 2012
Today
Sunny spells
Temperature: 10 C to 25 C
Wind Speed: 12 mph
Wind direction: North east
Tomorrow
Sunny
Temperature: 9 C to 21 C
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