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Debbie Leigh: The kids are not alright
I'M sure at the age of 33 I'm too young to be saying this but there's no getting round it – there's something seriously wrong with the youth of today.
In the past few days I've witnessed groups of British youngsters engaged in activities I'd never even imagined getting up to when I was their age.
These young people – mostly teenagers, although some were just 12 years old – were experimenting with things they should know nothing about at their tender age.
I'm not talking here about kissing behind the bike sheds or trying a drink in the park, I'm talking about seriously deviant behaviour.
I have seen young girls and boys cooking sophisticated dishes I can't even pronounce and saying things like "I don't usually follow recipes, I like to be free to experiment" and "I usually cook my Victoria sponge for parties".
I have also seen teenagers, dressed like 30-somethings, tackling tough business challenges and communicating through cliches like "I've got a fire in my belly" and "there's no room for weakness in business".
If you haven't a clue what I'm on about, I'm still reeling after stumbling across Junior Masterchef, followed by Junior Apprentice.
The first challenges "cooks" (some might say precocious brats) aged nine to 12 to create a two-course meal in an hour, in a mission to find the country's next Jamie Oliver.
The latter sounds like a cheap twist on the original show, which funnily enough also features a load of big kids dressed up as businessmen and women and behaving like bickering schoolchildren.
This time round though, they are actually kids – literally still with braces on their teeth – who think they're the next Richard Branson.
Most of the boys look about 12 and are wearing suits that are too big for them.
It's like watching Bugsy Malone – without the guns, or singing.
Then there's 13-year-old fashion blogger Tavi Gevinson, who had a front row seat at the Dior catwalk show at Paris Fashion Week.
She spends every spare minute posting comments online on fashion and celebs' outfits.
What happened to raiding your mum's wardrobe, make-up bag and the contents of the dressing-up box to give yourself and your mates a radical new look at that age?
What's wrong with these youngsters?
I've watched a 11-year-old cook steak and chips with barnaise sauce and another whip up sticky toffee pudding and custard from scratch.
When I was their age I never went near the kitchen, I was too busy reading Smash Hits, learning the words to I Owe You Nothing, spending every spare minute at the stables and drooling over posters of Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.
I wasn't even allowed to boil the kettle until I was 12 – overprotective father – so there was no chance of me ever whipping up a chocolate roulade.
I didn't even know what one was.
If mum was serving up Findus Crispy Pancakes, followed by Angel Delight, I was happy.
The closest I ever got to making dessert was squirting the old Ice Magic on my ice cream.
Yeah yeah, these guys might be shining examples of what the youth of today can achieve and proof that we're not just raising a nation of knife-wielding thugs.
But don't you find it a bit weird?
I mean, if you can already cook scallops, beef Wellington and tarte tatin and broker a business deal at 15, when are you going to find time for ill-advised first snogs, fashion disasters and debauched house parties while your mum and dad are away?
What's more, if you never enjoy being young and foolish, how are you going to fill that all-important teenage diary to look back and cringe at when you're older and wiser?
NO MORE BARE NAILS
I WENT into work the other morning knowing I was committing a fashion faux pas.
I was channelling bare, unpolished toenails, with peep-toe sandals.
My excuse, your honour, is that the old pillar-box red was looking a little tired, so I had whipped it off the night before – then promptly forgot to replace it.
The next morning was too hot for anything other than sandals, so I made the conscious decision to dare to bare, especially as only two nails were on show.
I thought I'd got away with it but then I found myself walking next to someone who had clearly thought the same thing, and realised I had made a terrible mistake.
The way her nude nails blended in with her skin made her whole look unfinished – so I scuttled out to my car to change shoes immediately.
Still, I've learned a valuable lesson – painted toenails are just as essential as shaving your armpits and using deodorant.
Sorry ladies, unpolished toenails equals unpolished you.
DON'T GET WELL TOO SOON, BONO
FAR be it from me to wish misfortune or misery on anyone…. but seeing as it has already happened, surely it's not so bad to be pleased with the end result?
Bono's emergency back surgery means U2 are no longer able to play at Glastonbury this summer.
But the plus side is that this means the jaw-droppingly amazing Gorillaz will now take their place at the festival.
Still, looking at the incredible line-up for the weekend, which includes Leeds' own Corinne Bailey Rae, Stevie Wonder, Snoop Dogg, Plan B, The xx, Rolf Harris, MGMT and Ellie Goulding, there's going to be some tough choices to make and no time at all for monkeying around.
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Weather for Leeds
Sunday 12 February 2012
Today
Cloudy
Temperature: 0 C to 5 C
Wind Speed: 7 mph
Wind direction: North west
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Sunny spells
Temperature: 4 C to 8 C
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