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Debbie Leigh: Naked calendars are past their sell-by date
THERE'S no denying those fearless Rylstone WI ladies did a wonderful thing when they came up with their naked calendar.
They've made millions for charity and convinced women of a certain age they can look great without a stitch on, with the help of a few strategically-placed props.
But who could have ever imagined the number of diabolical copy-cat versions they would spawn?
What started out as a daring, original idea has now become the bog-standard choice of all fundraisers, whether it's boffins in the buff, yummy mummies – more like slummy mummies – or hose-wielding firefighters.
The reason the WI version was such a phenomenon was it had never been done before.
It was seriously quirky.
That's why the very first "normal people in the niff" calendar managed to shift more copies than the world-famous sexy Pirelli calendar which inspired the jam and Jerusalem ladies.
Saucy
Its genius was the contrast between people's perceptions of staid WI members and the saucy snaps.
These were sensible, older women who pre-photoshoot probably panicked at the thought of communal changing rooms and had hot flushes at the notion of sun-bathing topless.
Their imitators tend to be exhibitionists who are more than happy to drop their pants.
Plus the copycat calendars rarely look as classy as the original.
In fact that's being too kind – most look horrendously tacky.
I can't imagine anyone, other than the most loyal of mates offering to hand over hard-earned cash for any of the charity calendars I've seen – however worthy the cause.
The whole reason models, pop groups and girl bands are paid to appear on normal calendars is because they're drop-dead gorgeous.
Call me shallow but if I'm going to look at someone every day of the month I don't want to see Joe Average staring back at me – someone I can see any time, any day, at a garage or building site.
We're surrounded by "real people", we don't need photos of them on our walls, let alone pictures of them with their kit off.
When I found out about a group of Leeds chefs getting in on the act I decided I'd had my fill. I'm calling time on naked charity calendars.
It was 1999 when the WI calendar came out.
I think 10 years of cheeky poses behind cleverly positioned books/ hoses/drills/teapots/buns is more than enough, don't you?
Without wanting to sound too unkind, the photo on the right sums up everything that's wrong with the copycat versions.
It's so impossibly awful I don't know where to start. The cheap-looking photography, seedy pose, the 1980s bandana "customised" with a Salvo's sticker, making it look even more ridiculous – if that's possible – plus the tacky Rolling Stones tattoo.
I get that it's intended to be amusing – someone without their clothes, in an unlikely situation.
But to be honest seeing a naked man in a kitchen, holding a pizza, while his other hand is somewhere near his nether regions is enough to put me off Italian food for life.
It's about as appetising as being a vegetarian and being served meat and two veg.
Unsettling
It's downright unsettling – the thought of someone preparing my dinner with their bits hanging out.
The very definition of Hell's Kitchen.
The press release starts off "On 1st January most people will be nursing a hangover…But not the chefs from Salvo's in Leeds, as they will be hanging their own 2010 calendar."
Er – hanging their heads in shame, more like.
Apparently Chris Stanfield, chef de partie at Salvo's, Headingley, decided to hold the naked photoshoot after the restaurant won Best Italian on Gordon Ramsay's The F Word.
The release continues: "Chris' idea started as one of those after work drunken talks".
Yep, and that's precisely where it should have ended.
Never mind the F Word, it's a flippin' kitchen nightmare.
New hair gadget goes straight to the top
A FEW years ago GHDs were on most girls' list to Santa. Next year I predict there will be a new must-have in the straightening department.
The inventors of GHD, who were based in Ilkley when they designed the gadget that transformed women's lives, have now come up with Cloud Nine irons.
These little babies have six temperature settings – from 100 to 200 degrees – so if your locks are on the thin side and don't need the same level of frazzling as my Ugly Betty mop, you can straighten your hair at lower temperatures.
I know most of us would rather leave the house in our pjs, without any make-up, than live without our GHDs but Cloud Nines could be the ones to knock them off their pedestal. West Row are the first salons in Leeds to use the new-generation irons.
And having experienced their sleek "just stepped out of the salon" results – I can see how they got their name. I practically floated out of the salon I was so happy with my hair.
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Wednesday 23 May 2012
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