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Debbie Leigh: My big school test
DO you ever agree to do something and before you've even put down the phone or finished the conversation, already regret saying yes?
I do. Regularly.
In fact it happened just the other day.
Around two minutes into a phonecall with a teacher I had never spoken to before I found myself agreeing to give a talk to pupils about being a reporter.
She could tell I was more than slightly hesitant so reassured me that the kids were "very nice" and promised I wouldn't have to speak to the whole school – assembly-style.
I made an appreciative "phew" sound to let her know that was a relief.
In fact, the mere suggestion that a full-scale lecture to hundreds of children was ever even a possibility was enough to make me want to snatch back my stupid "yes" and hang up the phone so hard it gave an annoyed little "ding".
Instead we agreed to talk again later in the week to confirm what age group I would be dealing with and what sort of things they would be interested in.
But we kept missing each other's calls.
Then at last week's knitting class, as I tried to get my stupid head round the seemingly simple question of whether I should be knitting or purling, an alarming thought popped into my head.
I suddenly remembered that in approximately 14 hours I was supposed to be speaking to a room full of students.
I could barely have been slightly more terrified if someone had told me I had to do it wearing only a pair of enormous Bridget Jones-style knickers – knitted by yours truly.
Just before full-on panic set in I remembered one of my fellow knitters was a teacher.
I quickly pumped her for information and scribbled in my notepad while trying to pretend I was still totally absorbed by my lovely purple wool.
I obsessed about my school "performance" all night and begin to envisage myself being mocked by disaffected youths straight out of The Wire's "corner kids" special class.
On the drive home I asked Mr N for advice, continued to scrawl down ideas during dinner, then cut up several copies of the YEP when we got home, to find stories and headlines for them to analyse.
Knowing how impressed today's youngsters are by celebrities, I figured I could get off to a good start by listing the ones I've met through work.
But as I racked my brains I realised my claims to fame – consisting of Jack Straw, Ed Balls, Nell McAndrew and Brian Turner – were going to be about as well-received as Katie Price at a Peter Andre gig.
In the end I needn't have worried, they were only around six years old, so their questions were cute rather than cutting.
My favourite – asked by a little boy looking wide-eyed at a front-page photo – was: "How do you draw the pictures?"
I chuckle whenever I think of it.
So, as is often the way, I was right to agree to something outside my comfort zone.
As Edith Piaf might say, "Non, je ne regrette rien."
When practice makes imperfect
SO, tonight is week four of knitting club – only one more week to go.
And if there's anyone out there thinking of following in my footsteps, I would give them a piece of advice – do your homework.
Otherwise you'll end up like me, the class dunce.
To be fair, I started off at a disadvantage when I had to miss the first session at The Wool Shop, Whingate junction, because of my shifts at work.
But I squeezed in a 15-minute introduction a couple of days before the second class and thought this would have been enough to bring me up to speed.
I was wrong. I've got a mental block going on with the easiest task – knitting a row, purling a row.
In all seriousness, it took me an hour to complete an inch.
Mr N keeps asking me how long it will take me to make a jumper and I have to point out I've been knitting for a month and still haven't completed a mobile phone cover.
I'm a terrible cook and somehow thought being able to knit might make me appear a better wife.
My lovely tutors Sue, John and Audrey keep telling me it's just like any skill, practise makes perfect.
But my practise sessions are driving me mad with frustration.
I keep going wrong so spend half my time unpicking my efforts.
I had such high hopes for my knitting prowess but it looks like I've done the unthinkable – found something I'm even worse at than cooking.
There really is no hope for me.
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Weather for Leeds
Wednesday 23 May 2012
Today
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Temperature: 11 C to 24 C
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