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Debbie Leigh: In a tights spot
WHEN it comes to embarrassing moments I'm sure I've had more than my fair share.
Not a day seems to go by without me saying something daft or being the butt of a workmate's joke.
And the other day, after receiving an email from a colleague, I was left completely mortified – as red at the soles of Louboutin shoes.
Last week I was waxing lyrical about my guilty crush, British rapper turned soul singer and actor, Plan B, gushing about his "delectable voice," "supercool video" and "indefinable X-factor".
Now I know 10s of thousands of people read this paper, so it wasn't exactly a secret, but obviously it was never intended for his eyes.
However, a colleague with music industry contacts informed me he had forwarded the piece to a music PR who would be passing it on to Plan B himself.
Cue my overwhelming shame, even greater than looking at teenage photos of myself with a three-inch backcombed, hairsprayed, vertical fringe.
Still, thankfully it's not just me who's been suffering lately.
It has been a week of blushes all round.
Disguise
My mate, who lives in a city centre flat, now refuses to leave home without a disguise (big hat and scarf) after being forced to clamber into a rubbish skip in the basement to retrieve her keys after launching them, along with her bin bag, into said skip.
It took willpower beyond any diet to stop myself laughing when she described the putrid stench of eggs and fish as she climbed on the edge of the container and tried to reach the keys without diving in headfirst, then blindly fished around among the bottles and cabbages while trying to control her gag reflex.
Mission accomplished, and looking only slightly dishevelled, she was feeling quite proud of herself until someone mentioned CCTV footage of her escapades might make it on to Facebook or YouTube. Surely not?
But the most embarrassing scenario was yet to come, from a pal who didn't know whether to laugh or cry when she realised her tights were heading south as she headed for security to begin a working day in court.
She toyed with the idea of sneaking behind a tree and slipping them off but, unprepared for the bare-legged season, instead opted to shuffle, knock-kneed, as fast as possible through security.
Unfortunately for her, the guards were suspicious about her impatience, making her wait while they ensured nothing untoward was going on.
Little did they know that with just a minute's more delay something most untoward would be happening.
The gusset – the least glamorous feature of every woman's wardrobe, along with her pop socks – was set to make an unscheduled appearance, at knee level.
Defying all the odds, she shuffled into the loos, dignity just about intact, and managed to hitch up her tights and knot them to see her through the rest of the day without fear of an inconvenient draught again.
I guess we can all learn lessons from others' mistakes and these three situations have a common message.
Keep a tight grip on things you can't afford to lose – whether that's secrets, keys or tights.
Heed this advice, then while we might have caused a few titters, at least our blushes won't have been in vain.
Naughty... but not nice
THE joy of chocolate has always been tainted – enhanced for some – by the sense of guilt that accompanies it.
But now, after watching a documentary about the shocking extent of child labour in the cocoa bean industry, the guilt of tucking into those mouthwatering Easter eggs is going to be even worse.
Apparently even choccy bars marked Fair Trade offer no guarantee that young kids haven't been removed from their families, armed with machetes and set to work 12-hour days harvesting the beans to make our favourite snacks.
The investigation asked whether, as a nation of chocoholics, we would be prepared to pay more for our beloved fix to stop this happening.
There's no question for me – definitely, if hiking up prices could improve lives.
But it's down to the mega-money manufacturers to ensure that the increase is passed on to the workers.
Plus (as if we need any other incentive) the more expensive it is, the less we might treat ourselves and the better we'll look in our skinny jeans.
The world will be a better place and choc-induced guilt could become a thing of the past.
Question of timing
ALL too often these days there are times when I do, say, or think something which makes me feel old.
It's a rare occasion when the opposite happens but this weekend I experienced one of those little gems.
After driving back from Manchester after dinner with friends we were congratulating ourselves on getting home for 1.30am – quite a respectable hour for a Saturday night out.
Then, thanks to the joys of modern technology and phones which adjust to time changes automatically, we realised the clocks had gone forward and it was actually 2.30am.
Still, being a glass half-full kind of gal, my disappointment at having to lose an hour's sleep was eclipsed by the comforting thought that real grown-ups would have been fully aware of the clock change in advance, without relying on their phones to inform them.
Small comfort, you reckon?
Well, you have to make the most of these small pleasures while you still can.
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Weather for Leeds
Wednesday 23 May 2012
Today
Sunny spells
Temperature: 11 C to 24 C
Wind Speed: 12 mph
Wind direction: North east
Tomorrow
Cloudy
Temperature: 9 C to 22 C
Wind Speed: 12 mph
Wind direction: North east
