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Debbie Leigh: Getting the needles
I'VE got a new hobby and at my first session last week, I suddenly realised anyone listening at the door might just get the wrong idea.
They would have heard a low muttering of voices, the occasional sharp intake of breath and the words "garter", "stocking" and "ribbed" used with alarming frequency.
To me that could conjure up images of burlesque dancers getting dressed for a show, handing each other their sexy garments and holding their breath while they squeeze into a corset.
However, let me reassure you, nothing could be further from the truth.
I've not taken up saucy dancing.
I've actually joined a knitting class.
Before you scoff that it's a pensioner's pastime, anyone who's anyone knows A-list actresses like nothing more than getting their needles out between takes.
I'm not joining the blue-rinse brigade, I'm following in the glamorous footsteps of Julia Roberts, Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz.
Course
So I signed up to a five-week course at The Wool Shop on Whingate Junction, Leeds.
This cosy little store attracts yarn-tamers from across the north of England, has been trading for more than 50 years and has recently branched out into teaching knitting-numbskulls like me the basics.
Well, after the freezing temperatures we've experienced so far this year, who wouldn't want to make themselves some winter woollies?
I'm already imagining friends' and family's delighted expressions next Christmas when I hand out my drop-dead gorgeous hand-knitted presents of scarves, hats, wrist warmers and socks.
And as well as being wonderfully practical – a hobby that actually produces something at the end of it – knitting is also supposed to be relaxing, although I'm guessing that part must come later.
For now, when I do my knitting "homework" my shoulders are hunched up round my ears, my tongue's sticking out and I'm almost cross-eyed with concentration.
And it's pretty hard to chill-out when your every move is being watched by two evil saboteurs, desperate to wreck your hard work.
I soon realised that the wiggling of shiny, long needles, coupled with thread snaking worm-like across the floor, must look like the most exciting new cat toy since Christmas.
Alas, balls of wool and kitties do not mix, unless they're posing for a calendar.
In real life they're a combination almost as deadly as Jgermeister and vodka.
But despite their efforts to throw me off course, I've already learned about garter stitch, stocking stitch, ribbing, tails and a few other puzzling-sounding technical terms.
I've also learned about the key phrase "knit one, purl one".
It's not just something your gran used to mutter, saying those words aloud are an essential feature of the knitting process – to keep track of what you're doing.
And believe me, as a beginner you need to be fully focused.
So far I'm unable to even talk and knit, which I think Mr N is secretly rather pleased about.
I can just about manage to have a TV on in the background but there's zero chance of actually taking my eyes off my needles and watching a programme.
So I'm clearly light years away from being able to sit in a dark cinema knitting away while watching a film – which is apparently what some aficionados are capable of.
But most annoyingly it's clearly going to be impossible to combine my newest hobby with my favourite activity – reading.
As I voiced my disappointment at this, Audrey, who is in her 70s and whose daughter Sue runs the shop, came up with a solution – talking books.
The last talking book I had was Enid Blyton's Five on a Treasure Island, on cassette tape around 25 years ago.
I was initially horrified by the idea – first because it seems like sacrilege to listen to a book rather than curl up with it and see each word for myself, and secondly, because then I would know for sure I was 33 going on 93.
It was perfect timing that the week I started knitting the nation was introduced to the concept of "Swofties"
Networking
Swofties are single women over 50, who have never been happier, enjoying nightclubs, exotic holidays and social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, according to a new study.
My last clubbing session was NYE, my last holiday was September, I've never used Twitter and I've forgotten my Facebook password, it's been so long since I used it.
So I guess that makes me a Mwuftie – a married woman under 40, who likes nothing more than past-it passions such as knitting, reading, talking books, cats, wearing slippers and meeting friends for a gossip and a cuppa. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
Sorry, I've had enough of excess
HAVING seen my busy timetable of knitting, reading and cat care, you can probably imagine my response to an invite to "The Glamour & Excess 3rd Birthday Party."
Glamour & Excess, which has hosted and guestlisted some seriously cool events, was celebrating three beautiful years at the place where it all started, Oracle, Leeds, last weekend.
The email said "Think Sexy, Think Glamorous, Think Champagne" but seeing as my ethos right now is more like "Think skint, Think post-Christmas flab, Think booze-free month" I wasn't even slightly tempted to venture out.
Surely someone should tell these guys, December's the month for Glamour & Excess, January is all about Hibernation & Moderation.
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Weather for Leeds
Wednesday 23 May 2012
Today
Sunny spells
Temperature: 11 C to 24 C
Wind Speed: 12 mph
Wind direction: North east
Tomorrow
Cloudy
Temperature: 9 C to 22 C
Wind Speed: 12 mph
Wind direction: North east
