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Debbie Leigh: Books and covers
HAVE you ever spoken to someone on the phone and imagined them to look a certain way, then been completely wrong?
In this job you can have known someone for years and never met them in the flesh.
I've spoken to some press officers several times a week and not even realised I've formed a mental image of them until we met, when I've had a huge (pleasant or unpleasant) surprise.
Goodness knows what the formula is that converts a tone of voice, accent and personality into physical attributes in your mind, like blonde hair, tall, good looking... or the exact opposite.
It's certainly not as simple as cheerful + helpful = handsome.
Admirer
Now I'm an open admirer of prime specimens of the opposite sex when it comes to celebs like Leonardo DiCaprio, Lost's Matthew Fox and Caleb from Kings of Leon but despite these overtly shallow tendencies I've actually always been a sucker for personality over looks.
For that reason, while reading historical novel Wolf Hall (yes reader, I occasionally like to indulge in some literary enlightenment as well as fashion and celeb-packed essentials like Grazia) I fell completely for Thomas Cromwell, portrayed as an intelligent, ambitious and successful man who, wait for it..... even loves kids and dogs.
Mr Perfect or what?
I imagined him in a Hollywood film as being played by sexy Clive Owen or scrummy Jake Gyllenhaal.
To be fair, the author does repeatedly have characters refer to Cromwell as being unattractive and having the face of a criminal – even a murderer – but his personality is just so flippin' attractive it's absolutely impossible to imagine him looking like Steve Buscemi or Ron Perlman.
So I was thoroughly unimpressed when a friend shattered my illusions by emailing me a portrait of the real Thomas Cromwell, in which he was definitely plain, some might say verging on ugly.
And to add insult to injury, Thomas More, who I wanted to rip apart on one of his own torture machines, is painted as positively handsome.
My simplistic brain simply cannot compute this – the images are a million miles away from what I imagined.
But I've realised reality can definitely be overrated.
And clearly the producers of The Tudors TV series agree.
They've not exactly filled their cast with look-alikes of the real people.
Instead what we have (praise the lord) is The (Fantasy) Tudors – a bunch of drop-dead gorgeous blokes whose real-life characters probably looked more like IT geeks than a bunch of Calvin Klein models.
(Let it be noted, I am definitely not complaining)
I know I'm coming to this visual spectacle rather late, and I realise this point must have been made a gazillion times before but honestly, heart-throb Jonathan Rhys-Meyers as Henry VIII, how on earth did they come up with that one?
Still, thanks to the genius of Wolf Hall I've discovered a passion for history which as a teenager I never imagined possible.
So if mixing in a little fantasy with your history can work such wonders, maybe schools should be making use of these glamorous, gripping, historical interpretations.
I've got a sneaking suspicion I'd have paid a lot more attention in GCSE history if I'd thought Henry VIII and the Earl of Norfolk looked like they do in The Tudors.
What do you reckon?
Coffee table massacre
THERE'S nothing guaranteed to put you off a post-work snack more than walking into a room scattered with feathers and finding a dead bird under the coffee table.
That's the sight that greeted me when I got in the other night – and nearly made me drop my bowl of Weetabix.
The poor little thing clearly didn't have a fast death, based on the clusters of feathers spread from the corner of one room into another.
But there was no indication of the death and destruction awaiting me when I walked through the kitchen and upstairs.
And for all my vegetarian sensibilities and queasiness at having to clean up the remains, I couldn't help but feel a grudging respect for whichever of the cats had done the deadly deed.
After all, you have to admit it takes some skill to transport a bird into the house and up a flight of stairs without shedding a single feather en-route.
If only I could harness that skill and turn it to my advantage.
If they're so good at carrying things, maybe I could train them to help me carry the shopping in.
Eyeing up technology
EVERYWHERE you look – assuming most of your reading material is fashion magazines – everyone's raving about the birth of "smart mascara".
One has an "ergonomically designed wiping feature that keeps the wand smooth and clump-free" – which sounds a bit like a mini windscreen wiper but clearly can't be.
Another has a "turbo-boosted" mascara "which uses stem-cell technology to stimulate hair follicles for strengthening and lengthening".
Who cares? All I want to know is, can they make my eyelashes look like Cheryl Cole's and will they mean my mascara no longer slides off my eyes and down my cheeks by the end of each day?
Somehow I suspect the answer to both questions is no. But of course I'll still give them a go, just in case.
If only "smart mascara" could translate to a smarter me.
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Weather for Leeds
Wednesday 23 May 2012
Today
Sunny spells
Temperature: 11 C to 24 C
Wind Speed: 12 mph
Wind direction: North east
Tomorrow
Cloudy
Temperature: 9 C to 22 C
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