I miss my sister every day. I miss her laughter, I miss her smile, I miss our quick chats and I miss our long conversations.
I miss her forgetting my birthday, borrowing my clothes and always being late.
I still cannot believe she is dead.
I am not in denial. I am in possession of all the facts.
I know that someone woke up that morning and went to kill her.
I heard the sirens, I went to the hospital and I saw her body several times.
I sat through the trial and heard the detail of how she was brutally shot and stabbed to death in the street five minutes from where I live.
I cannot change any of this. I have to accept it.
So - what can I do?
My focus now has to be on three things.
The first is remembering Jo and how very lucky I was to have her as my sister.
This is by cherishing our closeness and the many, many happy memories I have of both our childhood and our adult life together.
I will also ensure that her murder was not in vain and that her values and beliefs live on.
I need to think carefully about the right way for me to do this but I feel I have a moral duty to my sister and to myself to ensure that something positive comes from this horrendous situation and that the good work that Jo would have carried out during the rest of her life is continued.
Most importantly I want to be the best possible auntie I can be, by enveloping her wonderful children in love and doing my best to ensure their mother’s murder has as little negative impact as possible on the rest of their lives. I will also always remind them of how much she loved them.
I cannot go back to normal, as normal does not exist - my life without my sister is not and never will be normal.
Everything has changed, every day is different and every day is difficult.
I have a new identity. I am still the daughter of two fantastic parents, but I am also now an only child. I am someone who gets recognised in the street . To many people I will always be “Jo Cox’s sister” and I have never been prouder to be so. However, I am still me but I just need to work out what that means.
In the short term, and while ever I have the strength, I will throw myself into ensuring that the anniversary of Jo’s murder is as much a celebration of her life and of who she was as is possible.
There is no doubt that there will be a great deal of sadness, particularly this afternoon, and it is important that we are all free to feel our grief. However, I hope that we can also fight the urge to succumb to the temptation of anger and despair which we may feel.
The world seems like an uncertain place at the moment and at times it can be difficult to understand how and why things happen.
I regret to say that I don’t have the answers but I hope that by embracing the message that we have More In Common, and coming together across the Great Get Together weekend, as human beings we can somehow find a way to move forward with positivity and hope.