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The Bloke: Lagging behind in the technology stakes
When I was a young lad I used to revel in my admittedly rather geeky role as the family’s resident technological expert.
If anything remotely new-fangled entered the house and someone needed to get it going, I was the designated 10-year-old for the job.
And I have to say I was rather good at it. Digital watches were a cinch. Programming the video was as easy as riding my Grifter. The new microwave? Not a problem.
Whenever called upon to perform one of these techie tasks I prided myself on the fact that never once did I resort to the instruction manual to work out how to do it. I considered to do so would be cheating.
In fact, on one occasion I actually put together my own 12-page manual for the video recorder – it was the only idiot-proof way to ensure my dad could still use it to tape Minder when I went away to cub camp.
But how times have changed.
At the weekend my mum and dad came to visit and brought with them their new Blackberry.
That’s right – a couple who can barely operate a mobile phone between them (in fact, to the best of my knowledge my dad has never even tried) now have a piece of kit far in advance of anything in my own possession.
To say I was shocked was something of an understatement. After all, the only time either of them has ever got close to a Blackberry in the past has been via a crumble.
It turns out it’s a gift from my sister, but needless to say it was yours truly who was given the task of setting it up for them.
Now given that my past CV in this area – at least as far as my family is concerned – is impressive to say the least, I couldn’t exactly say no.
But as I quickly discovered, a device that combines the wonders of email and wireless internet along with the everyday functionality of a mobile phone is a tougher nut to crack than a mid-1980s Grundig video recorder.
After a good 20 minutes or so of pushing various miniature keys and swearing under my breath, I had to phone my sister.
“I’m struggling to get the internet going on this Blackberry,” I confessed. “Are you sure you’ve signed them up to it?”
“Yes,” came the terse response. “Have you read the instructions?”
After another five minutes of getting nowhere I admitted defeat and did just that. The Blackberry was up and running, but my ego was severely deflated.
It was the following day that this crushing sense that I was lagging behind in the technology stakes really came home to roost.
On Saturday morning the baby bottle steriliser our friends had lent us suddenly stopped working.
Of course, because my dad was there, we couldn’t just throw it away and get a new one.
He insisted we try a new fuse and we even drove to the local DIY store and bought a new power cord – all to no avail.
Eventually I went and bought a new steriliser, making sure I was replacing like for like.
But when I got home and set it up ready to do the twins’ bottles I realised something was wrong.
It looked the same and was made by the same company, but whereas the one our friends had lent us was a digital model, this was electric.
By now it was too late to take it back to the shop, so the only thing I could do was wonder how on earth I could have made such a basic mistake.
Was I really so behind the times that I no longer knew the difference between electric and digital? Is that how low I had sunk?
This was the sort of mistake my dad might have made, not me. And certainly not my 10-year-old self.
I’m so distraught that even the fact that all the early indications suggest the Missus will be able to work out how to use this one doesn’t comfort me.
* Follow The Bloke on Twitter @theblokeye
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