The Bloke
Stand-In Bloke here, as The Bloke is actually off getting himself hitched in some mad archaic religious ceremony in which he pledges his eternal allegiance to 'the Missus'.
Of course, the actual wedding ceremony itself dates back to time immemorial, its origins being shrouded in the swirling smog of time (and possibly space).
In the very earliest of marriage ceremonies, men just used to grab their women (kidnapping, I think we call it these days) and have their way with them. I'm reliably informed by the internet that this is where the term 'best man' originated, in that Scottish grooms/
kidnappers would choose their 'best man' for the job of nabbing them a wife and then fending off anyone who tried to grab her back, like, say, her family.
Back in caveman times, of course, there was little ceremony, just a basic ritual which involved hitting the woman over the head with a great big wooden club, then dragging her away by her hair to the nearest cave.
Since then we've done away with the clubs and the kidnapping and the secret midnight rendezvous in murky forests – all the exciting bits – and replaced them with ancient sounding oaths, karaoke, canapes, marquees and a lot of pomp, ceremony and general hat-flinging hurrah!
Well, I suppose it beats some of the traditions that have fallen by the wayside.
In Saxon times, it was considered good luck for a cat to eat out of the left shoe of the bride the week before the wedding (what are the odds!).
That's not all...
During the wedding ceremony, the groom would strike the bride over the head with his shoe, to establish his authority over her. She would then lob the shoe into the audience – assuming she was still conscious that is.
In pre-confetti times, people used to throw grain, nuts and even eggs at the happy couple, as part of the fertility ritual, which sounds like lots of fun.
And while I'm regurgitating trivia, and possibly urban myths, it's alleged that the bride traditionally stands on the left of the groom so that his sword arm is free, presumably in case he has to run anyone through – like wedding bandits or, er, dragons.
There's also another old tradition surrounding the garter belt, which was apparently worn by the bride until the actual consummation of the marriage, at which point a witness to the event/act/whatever you want to call it, would emerge from the room with the garter in hand, as proof that the union was indeed a success.
Just hope his mother-in-law hasn't heard of that one.
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Weather for Leeds
Sunday 12 February 2012
Today
Cloudy
Temperature: 0 C to 5 C
Wind Speed: 7 mph
Wind direction: North west
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Sunny spells
Temperature: 4 C to 8 C
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