I'm not wading into the debate about whether or not they get off too lightly for their misdemeanors, I'm talking about moving house.

Victoria Beckham managed to showcase numerous perfectly co-ordinated designer outfits as she toured potential "Casa Beckhams" in LA and doubtless she continued to work her ultra-groomed signature look on Moving Day.

Kate Moss popped to the pub while her removal men did the hard work but at least Amy Winehouse kept it real.

The twig-like singer did her best to give the professionals a hand, lugging some of her kitsch belongings down the street, and she still managed to accessorise with a headscarf – way more than I managed while blinded by boxes.

I now understand why moving is up there in the list of most stressful experiences, along with weddings, deaths and divorce.

I'd never really believed it before, what could be so hard about packing a few boxes?

Sadly the mind-numbing monotony of that was the easy bit.

Getting beds and mattresses upstairs into our new bedrooms was like Laurel and Hardy meets Gladiators, set to a soundtrack of a woman giving birth.

Me groaning: "I can't push any harder".

Mr N: "Come on, just one more push."

Me: "I can't, it's too hard, it's hurting me."

The real pain came as we battled our way up the stairs and Mr N gave an almighty shove – ramming my head against the wall with the mattress and trapping it there between the two.

While tweeting birds fluttered round my head I came up with an idea.

Homes should be designed like dolls' houses, where the entire front opens like a giant door.

Then you could just put all the furniture directly into each room, rather than trying to force large, unbendable items through tiny gaps and round corners.

Added to the injuries, there's the ongoing nightmare of where all your favourite possessions are – your cleanser, hair straighteners, party shoes.

But there's still no chance of looking good, even if you somehow stumble across them, because there's no time for the gym, the pans are packed, the cooker hasn't arrived, so you're living off takeaways.

Finally, just to turn you into a complete wreck, pals keep popping round with champers – adding yet more unwanted pounds, spots and headaches.

It should come with a Government Health Warning: moving can seriously damage your looks.

As well as physical torture there's hours of mental agony, first on hold then dealing with call-centre clones who think repeating your name at the beginning and end of every sentence equates to good customer service.

There's the frustration of taking the day off work only to find out mid-afternoon the sofa has been delayed en-route and won't be arriving 'til tomorrow.

The dining room furniture is delayed by a week so pals have to pull up a piece of cardboard box to sit round a coffee table for dinner.

The new bed arrived broken and they can't fix it for almost two weeks.


Haunted face of meth

IT'S a tough challenge trying to convince young people not to take drugs.

Telling them it will kill them doesn't work because they usually know someone who's been taking them for years.

And warning anyone under 40 about long-term health problems is pretty hopeless when most of us still feel invincible.

But appealing to vanity is a different matter.

Just looking at an addict's rotten teeth on the American 'Faces of Meth' website – http://www.drug free.org/Portal/DrugIssue/Meth Resources/faces/index.html – almost forced my brekkie to make a unscheduled reappearance.

Shocking

The rogue's gallery of before and after shots of crystal meth users is one of the most shocking things I've ever seen.

Teeth stumps aside, the weeping sores all over their faces and haunted, despairing eyes are enough to make you hope you never come within an inch of the stuff.

Why don't the NHS or police or schools over here try a similar campaign about heroin?

Teenagers are daft enough to start smoking to look cool, maybe showing them how uncool they will look if they get hooked on heroin might just make them think twice.


No korter with improper English

I KNOW it's usually one for the older generation to worry about but I'm being driven round the bend by mispronunciation.

I'm not a complete nutter – I don't care if people say controversy in the British or the American way – although the Tony Blair-inspired trend for saying "korter" instead of "quarter" did get me gnashing my teeth.

But can anyone tell me why radio presenters have started saying "unpresidented" when they mean unprecedented?

Has the Government brought out new guidelines on pronunciation that I've missed?

Or have I, and everyone else, been getting it wrong all these years?

Help.